I asked the date today from someone at lunch. May 12.

Three months from today will be five years. What? Is that even possible? FIVE years? How can it have been that long?

Five years since my world came crashing down and all I could only hear were those words,
"He's not alive.""He's not alive." "He's not alive."

Five years from when Jesus broke through all the barriers of this world and eternity to reach down and gather me up. Five years ago, I constantly wondered: Where will I be five years from now?

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

It was read and for the first time in my life without any prompting I made a public declaration of faith and stood up. You reach a desperation. No one anywhere can help you except the one who came to save.

"There is no other name by which men can be saved."

Because God is above our circumstances. Stop judging God by what is going on in your own life. You are desperate for healing, for help, for needing, for belonging. He is holding out his arms to completely fulfill in your heart what your heart is looking for. You are filling it with alcohol, with sex, with shame, with pain, with refusal to love, with unacknowledgement of the one who most definitely IS.

Five years ago, I was desperate to learn, desperate to be saved, desperate to be loved.

The journey for me began long before five years ago, it began with a child being born in a manger. It began with a man carrying a cross to his death for an erase of my hurt and pain and holding on. It began with all of those longings I could feel as I was growing up. It was working even though I was ignoring. It was forming as I was replacing.

Five years ago I had nowhere left to go but to fall snotfaced at the foot of the cross. Lay it down here. You don't need your baggage to go any further. It's over.

"It is finished."

I'm alive. It's been five years and I'm alive.

posted by Kelly @ 1:12:00 PM