i'm crawling up the walls and it's only been 2 days. i am bored to death. i can't call my friends, because i have no voice. jason takes his laptop to work during the day and there's only so much television that i'm able to ingest. i read until my dull headache forces me to stop.

and then i'm alone with my thoughts. it takes a while to realize that there it too much thought going on. i... just... need... to... releeeeaaase.

it's strange the electronic wallpaper that we spend our days putting up and staring at. it's become the backdrop to everything we do. but now... silence.

speak to me. let me dwell here. i want to know you. why do i spend so much time finding the right song to layer the soundtrack of my life? why must i have a roadmap, an outline, a rough draft?

idealizing past relationships and where those roads have lead. either to a dead end or to a wide open highway. what about NOW? i need to find peace and guidance in the everyday.

so i force myself to continue in spiritual discipline whether or not i am able to hear or even respond. at the end of every stage is a crisis. i just need to put up my sail and let the Holy Spirit blow through me. take me to the next destination, or the next stopping point, be it a destination or transition.

i praise you, God, that you are not a God of our circumstance. but that you ARE and AM.

"The first time God ever spoke to a human, he said, 'I AM.'

Who's on my team? I AM.
Is there anybody out there? I AM.
I can't hear you! I AM.
I need a fix. I AM.
Where am I supposed to be going? I AM.
What's the next move? I AM.
I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything right now. I AM.

I am the way, the truth, and the life."

posted by Kelly @ 6:35:00 PM