i flew home from west palm last night. when i arrived, everyone had already come except for lesley. she arrived later that afternoon. all of my cousins had flown in and out already, as well as my uncles. the only ones left were grandma and my parents and my aunt. my mom is the youngest of three sisters. beverly, the middle sister, was there. marcia, the eldest had gone back to omaha for a day to hand off the children's musical she was directing. she was set to fly back in at 8:15 sunday evening.

dad picked me up at the airport and drove me to the hospice. it was a very peaceful place, with a large garden in the atrium and outside each of the rooms. my family was sitting outside grandpa's room in an area with couches and a television and the newspaper strewn across the coffee table. the crossword from that day and the previous day had been started. mom took me in to see grandpa as sson as i arrived. he was sleeping on his side. i told him i was there and that i was staying for a while. i don't know if he heard me or not. the nurses told us that hearing is one of the last things to go, so it was possible he heard all of us. we all spent time in his room and then in that sitting area the entire weekend. i can't tell you the number of coffee cups i threw away those few days. everyone seemed to be drinking coffee nonstop.

grandpa could no longer talk to us by the time i had arrived. he didn't open his eyes either. he moaned occasionally. the doctors and nurses periodically came in and moved him into different positions.

one time grandma said to me, "it's just happening so fast." at another time she said through tears, "he's been my whole world since i was eighteen years old, my whole world!" i am seven years past eighteen.

my parents were planning on visiting west palm that weekend anyway b/c they were in florida for work. so my dad was scheduled to preach at the corps on sunday. afterwards he came by the hospice to change before he had to fly home. when he came in and was standing at the foot of the bed in his uniform, i looked at mom who was just in jeans and realized that it had been a while since i had seen only one of them in uniform at a time. it was a stark picture for me in that moment to realize no matter what we accomplish or the titles and names we create for ourselves, it all comes down to the end where you are who you love. before dad left for the airport, he said his final goodbye to grandpa. later that afternoon lesley did the same.

and then we just waited.

his breathing changed. for a few hours, he seemed to be using more and more energy to breathe. we called in a nurse and she looked at his hands and said, it wouldn't be much longer. maybe an hour. at this point it was just after 5:00pm. marcia was getting in at 8:30, so we asked if he might make it until then. it was not likely.

so we all gathered around his bed and watched him. he breathed his last at 5 minutes to 7:00.


there were so many visitors that i heard several stories about the tender heart of grandpa. he has just been so sweet to so many people in these past few months. last summer he went to omaha to visit marcia, and he joined their choir and orchestra while he was visiting. on their fourth of july concert, he had bought red, white, and blue bowties that he placed on each of the music stands. and they all wore them! he had recently been saying to grandma that no one in his family lives past 75. his 75th birthday would have been March 13th. so he was doing all of these little projects around the condo for grandma so that she would be taken care of once he was gone. this past week he picked her up one day and said, "i know that you and girls don't want me to interfere with the decorating, but there are some things that i think we need to have." they stopped by haverty's and he bought her a china cabinet and a cedar armoire for her dresses and suits. he did the plumbing for all of the little old ladies at his church for free b/c they were unable. and the evening before he checked himself into the hospital he made a dish to drop off at church for a reception that was happening.

the thing is, he walked himself into the hospital and checked himself in. ten days later, he took his last breath. cancer is just a terrible, terrible thing. at one point it was discussed whether we should tell him that he didn't need to fight it any longer. we came to the conclusion that it is just so against his nature to give up, to not fight.

and so here we are. the funeral is saturday. so we'll be headed back this weekend. all of the family will be there. it's strange to think that now it's just grandma. i couldn't do anything but sleep yesterday. on the plane, after i came home. i appreciate the prayers and concerns that so many of you have expressed. i guess many deal with grandparents dying at various times throughout their childhood and into their adult years. sitting in the hospice, i was talking to my aunt about her work, and i realized that even though my extended family doesn't know my day to day life, my history is so much bigger than that. i am a part of something so much larger than what i always struggle with. God realigned my perspective this weekend. it's funny how you revert back to being a child when with your whole family. certain people make the plans and decide on the activities, it's hard not to get swept up by it all.

chris flew in last night. jason and i made flight arrangements for saturday. just a few more days here at work, and then it starts again.

posted by Kelly @ 1:51:00 PM