i have been working through a theme recently. and the theme is this: the past.

my small group is reading the Sacred Romance now. and if you haven't read The Sacred Romance ( i try to read it once every year), it's a book about rediscovering what you were made for by looking at the events of your past. it's also about how we have formed our view of God based on our hurts of the past. and it ends by talking about learning to let go and live in freedom b/c of what God has in store for us.

i read the book before this theme about "God pursuing us" came to light within the Christian world. and it has truly affected the way i view my place in this world in relation to God and others and myself.

but then i went and got the new sara groves cd and went straight to this track b/c the title caught me: Rewrite This Tragedy. so she sings in her way, that is so honest and real, two questions:

Sometimes it's hard to tell what to keep and what to kill, what of this makes us who we are?

All that we love the most, all that we cannot let go, how much change can we survive?


and i really started pondering those questions. and then i was found reading the scripture Philippians 3:13-14:

13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

and how while paul was writing this, he must have been going over the events of his past. and i know all of the scripture that talks about how God is doing a "new thing" and how are identity is found only in Him, but i really want to know how much of our past defines us?

i completely trust that God will be faithful if i let go of all that has happened to me, and i feel as though i have already done that. and i have come through all of the grief, i have been redeemed, i have overcome. but i have always held onto the thoughts that Brock will always be with me, and those memories are mine and i will 'always have that.' and that he will bleed into every relationship i form. you know, just a few of the cliches that i held onto with such fierce determination.

but to 'forget the past' and 'strain toward what is ahead...' what does that even mean? i just want more tangible advice on this identity in Christ thing.

maybe what once was our testimony needs to constantly evolve and change as we experience new freedom.

maybe he really is doing a new thing. maybe he's giving us the strength to let go of what was so that we have the strength to take hold of what could be.

posted by Kelly @ 10:33:00 AM