What's past is prologue

The Advent Conspiracy

2007-12-21T14:16:00.000-05:00

[AC] Advent Conspiracy from Jon Collins on Vimeo.

Joseph

2007-12-10T14:29:00.000-05:00

yesterday, the sermon was focused on Joseph, the father of Jesus. i can't say that Joseph is given a lot of face time in scripture. i can't say that what we do know about him is anything worthy enough to even form an opinion. it's only seven verses in the whole of the christmas story.

The birth of Jesus took place like this. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. Before they came to the marriage bed, Joseph discovered she was pregnant. (It was by the Holy Spirit, but he didn't know that.) Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced.
While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God's angel spoke in the dream: "Joseph, son of David, don't hesitate to get married. Mary's pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God's Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—'God saves'—because he will save his people from their sins." This would bring the prophet's embryonic sermon to full term:

Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son;
They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for "God is with us").

Then Joseph woke up. He did exactly what God's angel commanded in the dream: He married Mary. But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby. He named the baby Jesus.

it was proposed yesterday that Joseph was a man of few words, that he gracefully gathered Mary up on a donkey to journey back to bethlehem, that he negotiated with the innkeeper only enough to gain a humble shelter. and maybe this is true. or maybe he talked so incessantly, that Matthew found it beneficial to include only what was necessary. either way, he kinda gets shafted. and it doesn't help much that he virtually disappears after Jesus turns 12. we hear nothing more of Joseph as Jesus becomes the man who is the Messiah. his purpose seems only to legitimize the birth of Christ.

but i think maybe there's more. Joseph had planned to marry, and after hearing the news of her pregnancy, he had planned to end things quietly. and then the dream. the Lord appeared to him, sought him out, and said, "Mary is pregnant to fulfill the prophecy, and you will call him Immanuel, which means 'God with us.' "

Joseph, you have a purpose, you are part of the plan. God is not abstractly coming for the sins of the world, he is coming for you, you and Mary. so after he is born, when you cradle him for the first time, and his eyes open and look up into the eyes of his mother and father, it is then that you will know:

He is here. God is with us.

Rock Concert Worship

2007-11-20T14:49:00.000-05:00

I had the opportunity this weekend to attend the National Youth Worker's Convention put on by Youth Specialties here in Atlanta. It was a good conference, over 5500 youth workers from all around the country attended and the general sessions and breakouts were really quite diverse and helpful as far as resourcing, ideas, networking, and personal spiritual growth and development. It was a wonderful experience and I encourage anyone who has the opportunity to attend.

Sunday morning's session had worship led by none other than the David Crowder Band. It has been quite a long time since I have heard Dave Crowder or Chris Tomlin. I was thrown back to the old days when I was completely encapsulated in the mega-church idea. I have since grown and have often viewed corporate, rock-star generated worship as forced, even mechanical. I have alluded to it being similar to the travelling circus in the sense that it's odd-ness is one of the reasons people come out to look. I have poked fun at the songs with their sappy lyrics and the worship leaders with their unintentional hip-ness preventing any authentic expression of worship.

However, this week, in the middle of worship with David Crowder, my position has since changed. As I jumped up and down in the middle of O Praise Him, I realized that this rock concert-like expression of worship is very much connecting others to God. I realized that rock concerts have been the medium teenagers and adults alike have flocked to in an effort to connect with their artists through the experience of live music. I have seen all my favorite bands live, and I thought about the best concert experience I've had. It was the U2 concert on the All That You Can't Leave Behind tour. In that arena, I felt taken away by the music, the lights, the show, but more by the experience of this music with those that were in the arena with me. It was as if we were all connected to something larger than us.

I feel that it was the same in the worship experience I had this weekend. I don't think that worship with God comes primarily through music, nor do I think that "big show" mentality is the way we need to be the church, but I do think that there is some value within this corporate, rock concert-like worship experience. I think communion with God happens in that space. I know it happened this weekend.

Change Agents

2007-11-06T15:33:00.001-05:00

i had lunch with two friends yesterday that i rarely see. the conversation for us involved many things, one of which was how the church could better allot resources and personnel. i reflected back over our conversation later and thought of the many conversations i have had like this over the last few years. and i came to this conclusion: i am tired of having this conversation.

i am tired of discussing the problem unless we discuss solutions. i think it was Ghandi who said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." he also said, "You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing, there will be no result." it's very easy to talk about what we should be doing. let's actually DO it.

these friends who i had lunch with are actually the exception. they are out there, on the front lines, deeply involved with ministry. they are solutions people. but it's not enough. there are far too many who will simply discuss the issue and far too few who will do anything to make a change.

i'm sick of the rebels, where are the reformers?

American Gangster

2007-11-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

i joined the masses this weekend and saw American Gangster on saturday night. the theater was packed. the 8:00 showing was sold out, so we bought tickets for the 9:00, and when we showed up at 8:30, the line to get in was already stretched around the lobby. when we left the movie at 11:45, the line for the midnight showing was just as long.

the film was brilliant. i found it interesting that frank lucas, portrayed by denzel washington, focused almost solely on family values, loyalty, and community. the cop investigating him, portrayed by russell crowe, was a guy who couldn't get his life together, betrayed his wife and son, yet pursued honesty in his work. quite a juxtaposition.

near the end of the movie, frank lucas opens up to the cop and said its always been about the white man taking what he has. he came from nothing, and out of that, he built something. he became the largest supplier of heroin in this country. i was tense. i was sitting in a packed theater, most of the other patrons there were african-american, and i wondered how many of them felt the same way. i wondered how this story would resolve where yet another "white man" arrested the "black criminal."

i live in a primarily african-american community, i attend a primarily african-american church. and i wondered a lot about the divide. i can't deny that race is a factor in my neighborhood. what does it mean to be Christ?

i think i am constantly learning.

What a long trip this has been...

2007-10-18T11:29:00.001-04:00

I know it's been a very long time. I have no real explanation other than I started a new job, took on the youth programming at church, and continued grad school. does that suffice?

however, i revamped, am in the process of adding new stuff, and promise to strike up the band once again and shower you with my thoughts and blessings.

soon...

Longevity

2007-03-19T16:43:00.000-04:00

This week at church we learned that our impromptu piano player just celebrated her 80th birthday. Before the service, I had a conversation with her where she told me that her father, a Baptist minister, used to advertise on his revival fliers for people to come and hear the 3 year-old girl play piano. She said that she would have to sit on someone's lap to reach the keys, but she played it all by ear.

Today, she is able to pick out any tune, and her hands fly over the keys. I sit in amazement. And to think that she's been doing this for 77 years! Quite a blessing.

Happy Birthday, Miss Sarah!

2007-02-23T09:26:00.001-05:00

Hallelujah

2007-02-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

two weeks ago sunday, a lady named Rocky came into church. i was unfortunately out of town to witness this, but it came up in a leaders' meeting and i treasured the story. Rocky was apparently under the influence of drugs when she found her way into our small chapel. everette was just about to get up to preach when rocky announced that she wanted to say something.

everette, completely drenched in God's grace, stood next to Rocky, behind the little wooden stand, as Rocky gave her testimony. when she was finished, she took a seat on the first pew and everette looked at our congregation and said, "She just preached my sermon." they ended with prayer.

the amazing quality of the people in our church to accept and welcome overwhelms me, even as it has been extended to me and my family.

yesterday, Rocky came in to the chapel between sunday school and the morning service and said hello to all of her new friends. the service started and during praise and worship i looked over at Rocky and someone had handed her a tambourine. it was one of the most beautiful sights to me. she was banging it with her hands and smiling.

as we were leaving that afternoon, Rocky was stretched out on one of the pews fast asleep.

as i left i couldn't help but think, "this is what church should look like."

Random

2007-02-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

so i'm taking this biblical exegesis class and one of the things we are learning to do is to look at scripture within context. so i was reading through the famous romans 8 passage and came across the often misquoted verse 28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." and i can't tell you how many times i have heard people say in consolation,

"God works all things together for good."

that's not really what it says. in fact, that statement has a completely different meaning. i don't want to get into the argument of whether or not things happen outside of God's control, b/c that's an entirely different thought for an entirely different day.

i've been thinking lately that random things do happen. there are accidents. there are unexplained phenomenon, there are people who refuse to change. those things are not working together, it is God within those things that are working.

we're all going through the same drama. aren't we? i mean this life only has so many punches. and before we die we will go through all eventually get hit with those same punches. but it is God that is the common denominator, working in them for our good.

1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Unity08

2007-02-01T13:21:00.000-05:00

so i know i've been a pretty poor blogger over the last month. and, to be completely honest, i haven't really written anything of substance in the last six months. could it be that my creative drive is waning? or am i preoccupied with school, work, and a host of other responsibilities that i am becoming one of those bloggers i berate for not being faithful to their readership? alas, it is the latter. but i am setting out to redeem myself. and this, being the first day of FEBRUARY, and not january, means that the resolution might just stick.

so i always do a recap of the state of the union; my likes, dislikes and opinions on what i think will and will not work with this administration or with the voting public. so, as usual, i was scanning newspapers and magazine articles last week for some key blogging fodder when i came across this article in The Atlantic titled Surprise Party. I had assumed much was lost until this article renewed my hope in the state of affairs come 2008.

Three political strategists who were involved in the presidencies of Ford and Carter have proposed the idea of creating a third political party. The origin of creating a third party was based upon the fact that both republicans and democrats alike seem to have polarized their agenda to those issues on the far right or far left, respectively. The advent of a new party would be to bring the issues back to the middle and there would be one mandatory contingent: the ticket itself would have to be bipartisan--one democrat and one republican.

In the last four years, the internet has revolutionized the political sphere. In just the last two years YouTube has afforded anyone the ability to view anything at any time, anywhere. So this political party is operating on the Internet. The purpose of this is so the members can set the party's platform as opposed to interest groups, who usually handle that task for the two major parties.

What has propelled the principles of the Unity08 party is the vision of the greater good. Maybe we can get politicians to address the issues that need addressing such as global poverty, the cost of healthcare, and our involvement in Iraq. The thing is, if you sign up and become a delegate of the party, you will be setting the agenda. You will be able to post questions that will be reviewed by an internet rules committee, and those questions will be addressed by the candidates on Unity08's website. The candidates will then post a video answer.

Can't you see the possibility? If this takes off, then the media will be all over Americans setting the agenda, and those very same questions will be posed to the candidates of the two major parties! It's brilliant!

The creators of Unity08 feel that it's a one shot deal. Most likely this party will jolt members of both the republican and democrat parties to realize that they need to return to the "forgotten middle" where the majority of America lies. Even if this party doesn't win, the mere creation of it could propel polticians to realize just how far out they've gone. A recent study showed that 82% of Americans agree that the country is too polarized to make any progress solving problems and three-quarters wanted more choice than just Democratic or Republican.

So... do you want to be involved in changing the conversation?

You can sign up here.

Poetry by Mary Karr

2007-02-01T10:01:00.000-05:00

Revelations in the Key of K

I came awake in kindergarten,
under the letter K chalked neat
on a field-green placard leaned

on the blackboard's top edge. They'd caged me
in a metal desk--the dull word writ
to show K's sound. But K meant kick and kill

when a boy I'd kissed drew me
as a whiskered troll in art. On my sheet,
the puffy clouds I made to keep rain in

let torrents dagger loose. "Screw those
who color in the lines," my mom had preached,
words I shared that landed me on a short chair

facing the corner's empty Sheetrock page. Craning up,
I found my K high above.
You'll have to grow to here, it's silence said.

And in the surrounding alphabet, my whole life hid--
names of my beloveds, sacred vows I'd break.
With my pencil stub applied to wall,

I moved around the loops and vectors,
Z to A, learning how to mean, how
in the mean world to be.

But while I worked, the room around me began to smudge--like a charcoal sketch my mom
was rubbing with her thumb. Then

the instant went, the month, and every season
smeared, till with a wrenching arm tug
I was here, grown, but still bent

to set down words before the black eraser
swipes our moment into cloud, dispersing all
to zip. And when I blunder in the valley

of the shadow of blank about to break
in half, my being leans against my spinal K,
which props me up, broomstick straight,

a strong bone in the crypt of flesh I am.

Chosen

2006-12-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

so Christmas has totally taken me by surprise this year. those that are older are always telling me that it comes quicker and quicker each year, and i'm beginning to believe them.

last year it was very hard for me to recapture the wonder of the season. and i think that's the challenge every year, b/c 2006 was no different.

one thing that stood out to me this year, after hearing the story being retold again and again was one word: chosen. mary and joseph were chosen. namely, we are all chosen. i'm trying to figure this one out and get my head around exactly what that means, and why it stands out as if emboldened each time i listen to the story.

what am i chosen for?

it's something to consider in the next few days that are sure to be filled with the Christmas rush of shopping and family and meals and gift-giving.

what are any of us chosen for?

2006-12-08T15:05:00.000-05:00

This is the new album from one of my very close friends, Phil Laeger. His cd was released two weeks ago now, so I'm a little late getting this up and running. Phil has been an inspiration to me since the first time I heard him play piano. I was sitting in church wondering who it was that was going to play the offetory. When he finished, I remember turning to my sister and saying, "Wow." So check it out. You can also purchase it at the following sites:

www.phillaeger.com
www.saytunes.com/bands/phillaeger
www.myspace.com/laeger
www.purevolume.com/phillaeger

And here is what Phil has to say about the album:

This album is a prayer for light. The songs on it were written as
far back as almost 10 years, and as recently as just a few months
ago. They're held together by the theme of sight. It is a prayer
that I am still praying, a prayer that all of us are called to pray
as Christians. It is a prayer put in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
It is the prayer for more light from the Lord.

Light for our pride. Because God resists the proud but gives grace
to the humble.

Light to see His glory. Because the glory of God is all around us
and yet our sin hides Him from us.

Light to know His truth. Because even our best reasoning cannot
bring us to the revelation of God.

Light to see His beauty. Because even the faintest glimpse will
awaken our senses and set us in our right minds.

I hope you enjoy the album. I hope that you are blessed as you
listen and that it encourages you to press in even further in your
quest to know Him.

"May God give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation" so that you
can see His glory, know His truth and experience His beauty.

Peace

2006-11-21T14:15:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I picked up the book Darfur Diaries. The story chronicles the journey of three individuals who traveled to the Sudan the summer of 2003. Their purpose was to document the atrocities that were taking place and bring a message back to the American policy makers.

The book is quite heart-wrenching and some of the acts of violence will make you cover your mouth and catch your breath. Can such evil really be occurring in this world?

A couple of weeks ago I saw a bumper sticker that read:

If you want peace, work for Justice.

After reading about the conflict in this region of the world.. a conflict that dates back over thirty years, I wondered this:

Is peace attainable?

In the book of John, Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives." Is this peace an individual peace? And if we testify as witnesses to this individual peace, is that enough?

I do not know the answers to these questions.

I think the question we have to be asking, both ourselves and the greater world, is if peace on a global scale isn't attainable, does that mean we should cease working toward it?

Is the peace of God really ALL that to me?

2006-11-17T13:18:00.001-05:00

There is a principle of death within us warring against the principle of life... but it is not ultimately enduring.

bye bye birdie

2006-11-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

so this morning i was rummaging through my bottom desk drawer that contains the last bag of leftover Halloween candy I purchased on discount November 1, when I remembered that we were having a special farewell coffee break for a fellow employee who has served 26 years and will be retiring at the end of this week.

so i made my way to the azalea room where we were treated with croissants and fruit as a few selected employees paid tribute to this wonderful, humble woman, Marion Bird. (if i work in this building 26 years, and have the last name 'Bird' I will insist on everyone calling me 'LadyBird').

it was touching to hear her department head, the head of the IT department read a poem that he had written himself while watching the season finale of Dancing with the Stars (go emmitt!). it was heartfelt to hear a tribute made by one of her sons. I was overcome when her fellow coworker, the only other individual who works with her on the phone system, got up and said a few words before pronouncing the benediction.

usually at these gatherings, one leaves with a wistful notion, imagining the words spoken at your own retirement coffee break. i, however, sang the final chorus wishing for chocolate croissants.

Lazarus

2006-11-14T08:52:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love the story of lazarus.

There is so much truth wrapped in and around the layers, I am constantly finding something new.

Recently i was struck by the conversation between Jesus and Martha. Martha went out to meet Jesus. and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." The raw honesty that accompanies fresh grief were the first words from Martha to Jesus.

I have so many questions concerning this story. Why didn't Jesus come sooner? Couldn't he have healed Lazarus from the road? What was the delay?

But he did take an extra four days, and his friend passed away during that time.

When he is confronted with these words from Martha, Jesus tells her that her brother will rise again. This much she knows, she knows the scripture and she tells Jesus this. But Jesus presses her.

"I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

He pressed her to take hold of a personal belief. Martha knew that Jesus was the son of God. She knew that he had miraculous gifts that could heal, but he was pressing her to take hold of a personal belief. Later, when he asks for the stone to be rolled away, and she protests, he says,

"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

And then he calls Lazarus forth. Belief and then glory. Personal belief and then glory.

How often am I running out to meet Jesus upset with the way things have turned out, and he asks confronts me with a question about my belief and the intellectual stance that I have taken? How many moments of glory have I missed b/c I didn't have the faith?

A lot, I imagine. Quite a lot.

(Red)emption

2006-11-10T08:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I have a friend who thought up a pretty good idea. It all stems from the Product(Red) campaign Bono has launched to further raise support for those dying of HIV/AIDS in Africa. Bono has capitalized on the idea that while he may have raised incredible awareness, he can raise even more money if he attaches purpose to STUFF.

We will always further capitalism in our quest to obtain cool, new stuff, so why not design and market a variety of products that appeal to the consumer and give a portion of that purchase to the people in Africa who will die without our aid.

One of the products being marketed by Product(Red) is the new red iPod. If you are willing to pay $200 for the iPod, Apple will contribute $10 to the Global Fund.

Think about that. $10.

What if we just contributed the $10? So there's this group that's trying to get 1000 people to contribute $10. It doesn't sound unachievable. And, in keeping with the theme, they are calling themselves (Red)emption. The money will be forwarded along directly to the Stephen Lewis Foundation.

What's $10? The other day, Tami said, "What if it was me? What if someone else held the keys to my liberty?"

Make a donation.

The Beginning

2006-11-03T10:21:00.000-05:00

Today I will choose hope
Today I will turn inward, in an effort to see outward
Today I will not get sucked down by the world
Today I will not seek to escape
Today I will look toward the future
Today I will work harder
Today I will play harder
Today I will have the courage to speak
Today I walk away from the past
Today I will let Christ be my identity
Today I will believe in unfailing love and prevailing truth

Everything changes today

Becoming a Special Agent

2006-10-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

i used to want to be an fbi agent.

have i mentioned this before?

seriously, before all these crime dramas even entered the heads of hollywood writers, i wanted to be a forensic pathologist for the fbi. it suited my strengths. i had a high tolerance for pain, i rarely cried, i was tough, i was driven. what more did i need?

i entered college with this pursuit in mind. i took a lot of science classes; chemistry, biology, anatomy, physics... i researched the requirements of entering the federal bureau of investigation. i ordered a gun catalog.

i dated a guy. i fell in love with this guy. and that relationship ended b/c of his untimely death.

and then i became a completely different person.

i become attached to people, i struggle with a lack of motivation, i'm overly emotional at weddings.

i was at a conference a few weeks ago and one of the speakers proposed the theory that our personalities don't change, we just become more and more of who we really are.

i completely bought into one of the cliches that was thrown at me in the months immediately following brock's death:

God is bringing you through this for a reason.

it may not sound like a cliche to many, but i took it to the far end of an ideal that became an expectation on God. i was holding him to this, like he had somehow taken brock away for me to become great.. so i kept wondering, 'when do i become great?'

time has passed, but sometimes i hear that same question whispering to me when things don't go exactly how i had planned. when i don't get the visible results, or i can't see the answered prayer.

you have to defeat the cliches with lessons learned. it's the only way. otherwise, you will sink holding on to the expectations of how things "should" work out or who you are "supposed" to be.

so the lesson i've learned is this:

i will never be through with becoming.

throughout those years of planning, i was developing a strength of spirit. in the months and years immediately following the death of brock, i was becoming acquainted with the struggle of grief and suffering. now, as i step forward to face the challenges of kingdom living, i am becoming Christlike.

though i felt as though i had taken a hard left and completely veered off the path, i was never outside the realm of who Christ expected me to become.

and that will be a life-long conversation in relationship with my Creator.

morning with the feds

2006-10-24T13:01:00.000-04:00

so this morning before 8:00 am i get a phone call from elizabeth.

"steve is outside your house!"

steve is elizabeth's husband who works for the state department.

i ran downstairs and looked out the front window. steve got out of his all black, tinted window, SUV and brought us our paper. he was all decked out in a bullet proof vest labeled "FEDERAL AGENT" with his gun on his waist and a radio on his shoulder. we laughed.

he was in the area making arrests.

after some small talk, i told him to leave before he ruins our street cred.

Hospital Stay

2006-10-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

oh my gosh, was my last blog really on the 27th of september?! i apologize to the readership... of which, probably only one remains. (thanks, honey!)

things have been consuming with work and class and MSRA.

i'm sorry, have you not heard of MSRA?!?!

jason was admitted to the hospital last weekend b/c there was a bit of swelling in his knee that we attributed to the ever so popular catch-all "spider bite." turned out to be an infection resistant to penicillin and worthy of a five-day stay at your four star hospital where his diet consisted of chicken marsala, london broil, and vanilla milkshakes. considering i haven't cooked dinner in the last month, this was more than a treat. however, anyone who knows jason (jason who plays basketball, softball, and swims laps weekly even amidst the diagnosis of pneumonia) knows that five days confined to a bed were just about to send him over the edge.

when i arrived yesterday to pick him up, he was packed and ready to walk out the door, but as we rounded the corner past the nurses station, he was asked the obvious, "Were you given discharge papers?" this ordeal involved another half hour and a very friendly technician wheeling jason down to patient pick-up in a plastic wheelchair.

just so everyone knows, he is now FINE. we no longer have to don a gown and latex gloves upon coming into contact with him, however i did notice that he brought home a box of those gloves this morning, which is cool b/c they make really fun water balloons that will bring hours of enjoyment chasing the dogs around the house.

last friday, jason and i initially went to the emergency room where they checked it out and sent us back home with three prescriptions; two antibiotics and one for pain. when he was admitted the next day, they informed us those antibiotics were of no use against MSRA, and they started treating him using an IV. yesterday, when jason and i were gleaning the room of any remaining personal effects, we both made sure that while the two "useless" antibiotics were tossed, make sure you get the PERCOCET!

i was back and forth to the hospital all week and while driving home one night through the city of lights, listening to the guitar stylings of the Edge, I wondered, "How did we ever do this while we were dating?" i forgot what a drag it is to have drive home alone.

all that to say, i'm glad you're back home, honey. and remember that your pills are in the orange bottle, the blue bottle is sadie's medication... for heartworms.

Monday Night Football

2006-09-27T14:30:00.000-04:00

Monday Night football moved to ESPN this season. There is talk about the ratings decreasing now that it is only aired on a cable sports network. The NFL is watching closely to see the viewer turnout. They need the sport to remain in the public eye for their livelihoods.

One year ago, after Katrina hit, I remember making a remark about what the world must think as they watch the residents of New Orleans flee their homes and journey to the stadium palaces we have built as their only chance of survival. We all watched with horror as the scene of the Superdome unfolded before our very eyes. Humanity at its most desperate was not something we had experienced in this country in the last decade. It was stark realization to us all.

I watched the first half of the football game this past Monday night. I watched with Jason, who had just returned from New Orleans the night before. I watched alongside many other fellow Atlantans who were hoping the Falcons would retain their 2-0 winning streak, with such promise for "our team."

I also watched b/c Green Day and U2 were slated to perform, and I will never miss a chance to see Bono.

Maybe I'm too cynical... but as they aired the clips explaining the refurbishment of the Superdome... as they interviewed the manager, who had been trapped inside the structure for five days immediately following Katrina... as they broke down the costs of such a project $180 million... I wondered...

Why was this first on the list?

There are entire neighborhoods, entire sections of the city, that look as if Katrina hit yesterday. Debris still lines the streets, trash piles high on the sidewalks. Where is the clean-up effort? Why will the $180 million refurbishment of a football arena take precedence over the homes and LIVES of the residents of New Orleans, 30% of whom are still without utilities?

I watched the interviews with some of the residents of the city talking about how pumped they were for the game. And I can understand how this can be viewed as just one step in rebuilding and restoring a city that seemed to have been without hope.

But I think we're missing something.

If football becomes the means for which we stake our hope, I really think we have missed the point.

If the wins and losses of a sports team become the markers of joy and faith in what lies ahead, what have our lives become?

But, you know, maybe I’m just being too cynical…

If We are the Body...

2006-09-18T14:36:00.000-04:00

Ripped this off from Rick..

Sacrifice of Passion

2006-09-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

i read an article the other day regarding the death of steve irwin, the much beloved crocodile hunter. after outlining the career of steve irwin, the author then highlighted the life of extreme skiier doug coombs who was tragically killed while skiing 50-degree couloirs in the french alps. both were parents, both met their end doing what they loved best. this article posed the following question:

where do you draw the line of sacrifice between what you love and who you love?

though these two men led extraordinary lives, constantly pushing the limits of what could be done, should they have toned it down a bit for the sake of their family?

it's a difficult concept. i think we can all step outside of our lives and consider things that we might have done differently.

i had lunch with my mom yesterday. in college, my mom majored in french. one of her dreams was to complete graduate school and then go on to teach at the universite' sorbonne in paris. after undergrad, she met my father, and they fell in love. my grandfather was not very happy about the decision to postpone graduate school. the next year, my mom received a calling to become an officer in the salvation army. she never made it to paris.

back in 1989, my parents planned the european vacation they had always dreamed of. london, paris, austria, germany.. after they arrived in paris, the took the "metropolitain" (i.e. subway) into the city and visited the universite' sorbonne. as they got off the train, mom told me she cried. she had finally made it.

we all make sacrifices in life. and they are usually very complicated decisions made while taking into account our family, our spouse, our calling, our dreams, our passions. these are all things that have taken a hold on our hearts. but i believe that we must continue to push forward.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one things I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 3:12-14

Love Thy Neighbor

2006-09-06T19:28:00.000-04:00

our favorite neighbor moved away this past sunday. one of the transitions that is hard to adjust to is the fact that nearly everyone in our neighborhood is in transition.

this particular neighbor made a point to get to know us, watch out for us, and inform us of danger. and now her empty house stares back at us from across the street.

she was a single mom of five, and the three in the middle were just like their mom in the sense that they also welcomed us in. jason befriended one of her sons, rosco, almost instantly. basketball really is a language, i've come to realize.

the other day as we were unlocking our front door jason asked me if i think we've become comfortable in our neighborhood. i answered yes. i now realize that by giving that answer, i am also opening myself up to the possibility of hurt, vulnerability, and possibly more unwanted transition.

it's all in our choices.

greater risk=greater return

Counting Crows

2006-09-05T21:10:00.000-04:00

sunday night i went to see the counting crows who co-headlined with the goo goo dolls.

jason and i didn't purchase tickets initially b/c of my recent snobbery of going to large venues to see bands that are just so much better in intimate settings. however, after hearing an interview with adam duritz on the local rock station, i knew that this was not something i could miss.

plus, the amphitheatre is only a mile away from our house. how could i bear being so close without making contact?

so i packed up my blanket and headed for the lawn. got a pretty good seat in the front of the lawn and made friends with the three groups around me.

the dolls played first, so i was estatic that the crows would be closing the show. they opened with anna begins. it caught me off guard, and all the emotion of not having been to a decent rock show in the past 12 months caught up with me. i cried.

"Oh," She says, "you're changing."
"But we're always changing"
It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that
But, I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean

My friend assures me "it's all or nothing"
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
You try to tell yourself the things you try tell yourself to make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love" she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the consequences"
Cause she can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and...
This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away

There are some songs that just get right at the heart of your being. Songs that define a period in your life, or continue to define your life. These songs become a part of you. You understand them and feel them and need them. Counting Crows are a lot like this for me. It's like they are a part of my past, and continue to be a part of the person I am becoming.

Am I being too sentimental?

It's just when I hear certain artists, there's a certain comfort that accompanies the music.

So Sunday night was great.. really great.

Hands-off

2006-09-05T20:58:00.000-04:00

I've started graduate school which means that some of my posts may reference this new venture in life. This is one of those posts.

tonight in class we talked about the fall of man, and the nature of man. you know, in the garden, the serpent asked eve if she was allowed to eat from any tree and she answered yes, first... then, on second thought, she mentioned that they were not allowed to eat from the tree of knowledge and that they were not allowed to even touch it.

so.. why couldn't they touch it?

if they were perfect human beings, in perfect communion with God, why were they forbidden to "touch" the tree? the serpent was the one who brought temptation into the garden. it didn't exist before then, so why the hands-off?

because touching leads to disobedience.

interesting that eve realized the power of choice within the garden. she realized that she could very well make the choice to disobey after talking with (and being seduced by) the serpent.

it is in our nature to lie, to be selfish, to disobey... to touch.

i'm beginning to examine my life to see the areas where i need to institute a hands-off approach.

How much is that doggie in the window?

2006-08-16T14:55:00.000-04:00

Lesley took this picture the other day just after Jason and I left for work.

6 Years

2006-08-12T07:53:00.000-04:00

6 years of new beginnings
6 years of starting over
6 years of surrendering the past
6 years of taking steps forward
6 years of taking steps back
6 years where everything has changed
6 years where nothing has changed
6 years of confusion
6 years of choosing to stand
6 years of learning new love
6 years of heart and soul friendship
6 years of learning to give more
6 years of reworking my faith
6 years of being open to possibility
6 years of choosing new experiences
6 years of learning to let go
6 years of being with someone who understands
6 years of learning how to love
6 years of planning for the future
6 years of forging ahead
6 years of forgiveness
6 years of grace and of mercy
6 years of action
6 years of motivation
6 years of revelation
6 years and 1 day
6 years and 2 days
6 years and the rest of my life

Hezbollah

2006-08-11T08:59:00.000-04:00

I'm completely ripping off this story from a fellow blogger. I thought about just cutting and pasting the link, but I know that I never follow those links when people post them, and this would be something worth the read. The link is at the end of the post for those interested.

Robert on Hearts and Minds and Hezbollah

(Mike's Note: Our friend Robert was in Montreal last week to see family, and came home with this story...)

My aunt has a friend with a house in Lebanon and she spoke to her last week. Her friend has been there all summer and her house is in the mountains which is apparently pretty safe, compared to Beirut anyway. The day after the bombing started a month ago, this lady finds dozens, hundreds of people walking past her house in the mountains. These people are not poor but they have escaped the shelling in Beirut with literally the clothes on their backs and not much else. There are an estimated 800,000 of these folks and my aunt's friend tells her that people were coming to her door, asking for water, food, blankets. She said she offered what assistance she could but there were so many people, the situation was bad and getting worse.

The next day, the cavalry came to the rescue. Who arrived with supplies, water, food, blankets? Hezbollah. Think of it, within 24 hours, Hezbollah had the organization on the ground to deliver these supplies to these desperate people.

Hezbollah. 24 hours.

Imagine for a moment you are an average Lebanese person. Through no fault of your own, your city is being bombed to hell and you escape on foot to the mountains. It's chaos for the first 24 hours but then help arrives. Help for you, for your wife, your kids, your parents.

I've watched the situation in the Middle East and like most people here, every once in a while I wonder what on earth these people can be thinking to make the choices they make. What could possess large numbers of people to associate themselves with these terrorists killing machines? Water for their kids in a crisis, that's what. That's why Hamas was elected in the territories, Hezbollah has seats in the Lebanese Parliament and Al Sadr would probably win an election if he ran in Iraq.

Hezbollah was there in 24 hours. With those kind of results, they'd get a few votes in New Orleans.

I am not defending Hezbollah. I know they are terrorists and Israel was minding its own business when it was attacked. Guess what, if you believe we are involved in a battle between the forces of Good and Evil, don't you think Good should get a better PR department? Why wouldn't Israel spend 10% of what it is spending on weapons, bombs, jet fuel, etc. on blankets, kosher meals and the like?

If anyone thinks we can shoot our way out of this global mess, think again.

Hearts and minds, people, Hearts and Minds. That's the only hope.

(Come to think of it, maybe a little Hands and Feet would be helpful in that regard but what do I know, I'm just the resident atheist.)

http://miketodd.typepad.com/waving_or_drowning/2006/08/robert_on_heart.html

2006-08-07T08:49:00.000-04:00

I feel detached today.

from the stale bagel i had for breakfast to the train that was completely stopped on the tracks that I drive alongside on my commute to the cup of tea that has ceased steaming on my desk.

what is this feeling?

jason is not feeling well... still. he has pneumonia, and has had for over a month now. send prayers up--the due date of his thesis is quickly approaching.

indigo girls are in the air..

I could go crazy on a night like tonight,
when summer's beginning to give up her fight.
And every thought's a possibility,
voices are heard, but nothing is seen.
Why do you spend this time with me?
Maybe an equal mystery...

We had a wonderful weekend with the fam. There's something so calming about visiting your parents. I can't quite place it.

The dogs were happy to be back home, and lounged on the furniture all evening.

I went to bed early, but didn't sleep so well.

I have to shed this innate restlessness.

2006-08-03T12:15:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a really long time. Things are consuming at the moment.

I have to feel inspired, and haven't lately. Sorry 'bout that.

I'll leave you with this:

In every man lies a zone of solitude that no human intimacy can fill: it is there that God encounters us. --Brother Roger of the Taize community

View

2006-07-20T09:29:00.000-04:00

For some reason on the ride home yesterday, our train came to a halt in between stops. I looked out the window to my left and realized that we were sitting at the end of my street. I took this picture. The quality isn't very good considering it was taken on my phone, but i liked the edgy-ness of this photo.

Peripheral Perceptions

2006-07-17T09:06:00.000-04:00

I was completely moved last week on my drive home. As I was speeding down Buford Hwy, I saw a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk tying his shoe. I became instantly aware that this man had nowhere else to tie his shoe. He couldn't wait until he got home, out of sight, or maybe he couldn't even wait long enough to have the luxury to make that decision, b/c if his shoelaces broke, then he would have no way of keeping his shoes on.

It's so amazing to me the things that happen in our peripheral view that we hardly ever stop to see. I think the work of God may all be in the peripheral. And he's teaching us to slow down and become more attuned to his voice and the people and lives that exist outside of our perception.

I read a book my senior year of high school on quantum mechanics, (now called the "new physics"). The author related the study of quantum mechanics to the practice of Wu Li, an ancient form of self defense that has its origins in Southeast Asia. In Wu Li, you learn everything from "the master." The one line I committed to memory, and have often said to myself since was this:

A master teaches essence. Once the essence is perceived, the master teaches what is necessary to expand the perception.

Consider exactly what "essence" you have been learning lately. Are you still in the process of learning the essence, or is your perception gradually expanding for you to learn more?

I feel as though my perception was expanded simply by viewing that old man on the side of the road, tying his shoe. And now I wait, in faithfulness, knowing that he will continue to expand my perception to see all that lies on the periphery.

2006-07-11T13:33:00.000-04:00

I PASSED THE GRE!!!!

now what do i do with all these pencils?

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

2006-07-07T09:23:00.000-04:00

I've been reading several books recently on Alternative Worship, and have found some really fascinating insight.

I read a blog this morning discussing the way we tend to do evangelism. We focus on the outward expressions such as Heaven, forgiveness, and/or happiness and use those to relay to people Christ. By doing so, we are giving them a gospel that is completely tied up in self interest.

Is this why so many of us are sensing a divide?

Is this why we feel empty and a little lost on the Christian life and exactly how we're supposed to live?

We are recognizing that a gospel based on self-interest is not sustaining and is not even attractive. I've seen this in teenagers as well. Though not able to define exactly this pull away from Christian teaching, they are able to ascertain that what they are being taught is merely on the surface.

We have become creatures of our culture. Focusing on the self, rather than facing outward toward God and the other. Maybe living as Christ is, in part, mirroring back the reflection of the obsession with self to the world and exemplifying the turning outward by extending ourselves in every possible way to others.

2006-06-30T10:17:00.000-04:00

SPHINX: PERPLEX ::

a) oracle : interpret
b) prophet : prepare
c) siren : lure
d) jester : astound
e) minotaur : anger

can they be serious?! isn't it logical to assume a minotaur is a type of dinosaur?

Alt : Worship

2006-06-29T12:22:00.000-04:00

read some very interesting insights today on alternative worship.

this particular presentation compared two models; one being the attractional model--if we fix it, they will come, and then the missional model--an open set of believers that see church as a resource for living kingdom lives.

the thing is, the fixing didn't work. maybe we were too focused on selling a product. what if we removed the product as a point of delivery?

what if church didn't look like music, scripture, sermon?

what does that make a church building?

what if we actually lived our lives as if LIFE was our chief instrument of mission instead of the church service?

GRE question of the day

2006-06-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

Jane must select three different items for each dinner she will serve. The items are to be chosen from among 5 different vegetarian and 4 different meat selections. If at least one of the selections must be vegetarian, how many different dinners could Jane create?

a) 30
b) 40
c) 60
d) 70
e) 80

If anyone, ANYONE, can explain this question to me, I would be eternally grateful. I even read the explanation in the back of the book and I still don't get it.

I'm not getting a degree in math for pete's sake!!

GRE

2006-06-26T14:31:00.000-04:00

i apologize for the recent lack of interesting posts as of late. i am completely consumed by the studying of the GRE. apparently, i have never learned reading comprehension. while i seem perfectly able to read and comment on people's blogs, reading and obtaining some semblence of what scientists are talking about in reference to their obscure findings on leptons alludes me.

it's as if i cannot get through the text to even examine the position the author is taking.

have i let my brain atrophy in the last three years? have i lost the ability to think critically?

why is there so much emphasis placed on test taking in this country anyway? aren't we all a product of our experiences?

when, IN MY LIFE, am i ever going to have to know the definition of jejune?

My Eyes Have Seen...

2006-06-23T10:07:00.000-04:00

i found out today that the parents of one of my coworkers were "carnies," meaning they followed after the carnival. this explains so much; the nervous twitch, the insecurity, the need to be the star.

while i was driving home yesterday the song Carnival by natalie merchant came on the radio, and while i usually change the station b/c i hated how she became famous and developed a british accent, i listened this time.

both of these events occurred AFTER i made the comment in my last post about the travelling circus. is there a bigger reason for this seeming recurrent theme the past two days?

i'll keep you updated if anything happens over the weekend..

2006-06-22T08:40:00.000-04:00

i have got to find something better to do with my time.

last night my sister and i switched on nbc to catch the new summer series "America's Got Talent." the only conclusion i could possibly make is that america is a joke. are there really that many people out there who will do anything to win a million dollars?

seriously, if you are a rapping grandmother or a guy who has learned how to play 25 bike horns, there is no future for you.

maybe the absence of the travelling circus in modern society has forced these individuals into other realms; primarily reality television.

jason's at columbia this week working with his professor on his masters' thesis. the last hurrah on the way to his masters degree. and i'm sitting at home watching a 67-year old male stripper who is orange with self tanner and covered in glitter. AND HE GOT THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD!

seriously, i have got to find something better to do with my time.

2006-06-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

i just need...

some...

rest...

I Ain't Saying She's a Gold-digga...

2006-06-09T13:31:00.000-04:00

this morning, as jason was getting out of the shower, he noticed sadie, our puppy, on the bed chewing on a $20 bill. he quickly snatched it up and she ran downstairs. he walked over to his nightstand to discover that only a $10 and a $5 were left out of $100. much dismayed, he looked at sadie who had just bounded back on top of the bed to see that she had another $20.

jason quickly ascertained that she had a stash somewhere downstairs. after turning over every leaf, he returned to the upstairs bedroom bewildered. at this point he called me to recount the morning's events. while doing so, he descended the staircase one last time to find 2 $20 bills lying at its foot, which he picked up only to discover that they were soaking wet.

looks like our puppy is a high-roller.

i gotta find that stash.

Take it on the Other Side

2006-06-08T08:39:00.000-04:00

yesterday jason and i were sitting on our porch swing when one of the kids in the neighborhood came over. chris is a lovely child, but can often take up a lot of time telling stories that we're sure aren't always factual.

yesterday he walked up onto our porch and asked about our dogs who had started barking when they heard him approach our house. he then proceeded to tell us a story about one of the other neighborhood boys who climbed the fence into chris' backyard and shoved his fist into the rear end of his dog. chris recounted how he threw a brick and hit this little boy in the chest which caused the little boy to run away.

i tried with everything within me not to laugh at the apparent violation of this poor dog. chris then began to impersonate the new limp that has become his dog's slow gait.

with absolutely no idea how to return to pleasant conversation following this anecdote, jason announced that we were going to go inside. we bid farewell to chris and pushed ourselves through the front door into the living room where we had a good laugh.

i think a lot about the ministry of presence. the ministry of simply being there to share in these anecdotes with the kid who seems to have no friends. the presence that our house is safe to come to, our porch is safe to enter. that can't be said about a lot of porches in our area.

living in the city certainly brings about the unexpected.

2006-05-30T11:27:00.000-04:00

Last week I watched an episode of Oprah, where she visited Auschwitz death camp with Elie Weisel. Elie Weisel was transported to Aushwitz during the Holocaust. It was there that he got off the train and was immediately separated from his mother and sister. There that he saw them head off to the gas chambers, there that his father took his last breath, there that he experienced death in such vivid reality.

As I listened to his recollections, I couldn’t help but wonder what so many prisoners of the death camp must have wondered a million times a day. Where was God in all of this?

The picture I have developed of God is one that is active, just, involved in our daily struggles. It is God who protects us throughout childhood. It is God who leads us to our spouse. God’s guidance moves us to choose the right home, His love motivates us to serve others.

When we experience personal pain or tragedy, we revamp our view of God. We focus on his nearness in pain, his sufficiency of grace. Our spirit is revitalized after such a journey.

But then you hear about the atrocities such as the Holocaust, or the genocide in Rwanda, or the all-out war in Darfur and you wonder if this God that you have put your trust in, this view that you have clung to, is it a paradox?

There is not language for the atrocities that were committed within those gates. Forget words, there wasn’t language to speak of the horror.

Our picture of God then takes on another shape, one that He has possibly been guiding us toward all along. It takes the shape of action, of a voice, of unease.

"They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.” Psalm 20:8

One of the things Elie Weisel said to Oprah was that people assume that once you have experienced suffering, you develop the capacity to accept suffering, but it is quite the opposite. Now that he has experienced suffering, he cannot and will not accept the pain and suffering of the world.

We are the mouthpiece of God to the world, we are the feet that carry the good news, and we are the hearts filled with the Holy Spirit. Let us not stand idly by.

Good Morning

2006-05-22T09:32:00.000-04:00

so the sun begins to rise earlier as spring comes to a close. and now my walks are in full daylight. you can learn a lot from your neighbors by their early morning routines. the children who peek out of the screen doors, a little too timid to wave; the broken beer bottles that always litter the sidewalk of the house set far back from the street; the neighbor who just recently got a new job which has allowed her to buy new furniture so that all of the old dressers and armchairs with one leg now sit on the curb.

mornings are peaceful in the city. sandra once encouraged me on one of our morning walks to "savor the mornings." before the day picks up and things get set in motion, it's nice to take the time to breathe.

jason graduated from seminary with his masters this past saturday. there are many decisions to make concerning the future. when i was younger, in college, i could not wait until the day when i would be "settled." but as time progresses i'm wondering if i will ever feel that way. will i always feel that pull toward something greater, more beautiful? is that what it means to live for the eternal? God seems to be not so concerned about the particular decisions we make, but more concerned about who we are becoming through the challenges.

so as i 'round the block and see our house in view, i realize that no matter what the future may hold, it's in these mornings that i rest in the knowledge that I am complete in Him.

Irresistible Revolution

2006-05-16T08:21:00.000-04:00

I've been reading Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution and have been completely captivated by it. In college, Shane spent a summer working with Mother Theresa in Calcutta only to return to the US and begin an internship with Willow Creek. While he does support and respect the work of Willow Creek tremendously, it was still quite a culture shock for him. And it's interesting to read that perspective. For the past few years, Shane has lived communally in inner city Philadelphia in a house with other Christians. They regularly open up their home to those who need a place to stay for the night. They share all money, all resources.

Shane writes on many, many issues: living in simplicity, peace, how we should spend money, politics, and what it really means to love our neighbor. The subtitle of the book is living as an ordinary radical. And what he's doing is so completely radical. This book was so inspiring to me. Even moreso then, lest i say it, Blue Like Jazz.

There's so many encounters he has that speak volumes about our understanding of who God is. When the US began the invasion of Iraq in 2003, he traveled to Iraq with a group of peacemakers to be with the families there. They attended Christian church services. The last service they attended was full of emotion. As they were leaving, Shane said to the bishop, "I was surprised to see so many Christians in Iraq." And the bishop looked at him a little strangely and said, "You forget that this is where it all began." And Shane realized, and I realized, Christianity is not American. Have even I been socialized to believe that is true?

He talks about how we are not called to live a counter-culturally, but that we are called to create an alternative culture. For me, that line stood out from the page.

He talks about how the world always confuses Christianity. How maybe Satan met Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before his death while he was praying to his Father. Maybe Satan again taunted Jesus, "They don't understand your cross, Jesus. They will never understand your cross." Maybe this was the last temptation of Christ.

Anyway--all that said--buy the book. You will be challenged on the way you live, they way you buy, and the way you believe.

2006-05-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

Last week Jason and I went to Disney World and a fellow tourist took this picture of us six times.

Jason had never been to Disney World before, so we headed to the long awaited Space Mountain

Unfortunately, Mickey has to travel this way since 9/11

We had many nice dinners

This is Yoshi

I want another vacation

GNC

2006-05-09T09:16:00.000-04:00

I know I'm almost a week and a half late on this post, but I was on vacation last week. Last Saturday, Jason and I and some friends participated in the Global Night Commute to raise awareness of the LRA kidnappings in Uganda. It was quite an experience.

Children in Uganda walk each night from rural areas to the cities where there are designated safe houses for them to sleep. They have to make this commute each night to avoid being kidnapped by the rebel army. Even on their nightly trek, they run the risk of abduction.

A couple of guys flew to Uganda and filmed a documentary about this tragedy. The documentary is titled Invisible Children. A must-see for anyone who seeks to broaden their awareness on a global scale.

The filmakers decided they wanted to push this issue to the forefront of our foreign policy, so they created an idea titled The Global Night Commute. They asked Americans to travel to urban areas either on foot or using public transportation. Certain cities would have designated areas where you camp out for the night. Upon arrival to your site, you would write two letters: one to your congressman and one to President Bush. Then, everyone was asked to create a piece of artwork that would be published in a book. The artwork was stapled to a polaroid picture of you so that faces would be attached to the crises.

One of our friends put together a video of the night, if you would like to view it click here.

The experience for me held such a feeling of community. It was really great to see people from all over Atlanta, of all social circles, come together for such a selfless purpose.

2006-04-27T09:57:00.000-04:00

there's not a cloud in the sky today despite the forecast for rain. i gaze out my office window and imagine that i am in a sititng in a field. i inhale the scent of the grass, and watch the branches of nearby trees sway in the breeze. i try to attune my ears to the sounds of the birds and watch a ladybug flit across the blanket i'm sititng on.

As they were going across the road, someone said to him, " I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." To another he said, "Follow me." Luke 9:57-59

What made that first individual make such a bold statement? "I will follow you wherever you go." Maybe he had been in the crowd and when they were crossing the road, he saw his opportunity to get close enough to Jesus and ran alongside him and proclaimed his faith boldly. How often have I gotten so swept up in the Word or the music and made the same statement, but then the intensity tapered off, and I didn't live up to my end of the bargain?

The scripture doesn't even say Jesus rewarded the first gentleman. But He scans the crowd, locking eyes with the "another" and speaks specifically to him, "Follow me."

I hear something down the hall that jerks me out of my field; a door closes.

'Are they coming this way?' I ponder.

I try and return to my meditation...

"Follow me."

Another door closes and I hear footsteps. 'Are they on their way to see me? Or are they moving in the opposite direction?'

"Follow me."

I hear keys jingling. 'Must be Karen, she is certainly on her way to my office.' The footsteps turn into another hallway and slowly fade.

"Follow me."

Okay, okay. I'm ready now. Sitting in a field, breeze, birds. I repeat the verse in my head, 'follow me... follow me... Jesus says, follow me...'

Silence.

An Unexpected Journey

2006-04-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

I've been working on this project for a little over six months now. The territory is releasing a video focusing on evangelism and discipleship. For all you Salvationists out there, it is the third DVD in the series following The Mission and Our Spiritual Family.

When it fell into my lap, I had been reading a blog many of you know titled So I Go. I was completely captivated by the story, and wondered if it would be possible to somehow use the text from So I Go on this DVD project. I searched the site, found some contact information, and contact the author, Jeff Jacobson. He graciously allowed me to use five chapters of his perpetual novel to translate to the screen.

The video will be distributed one per corps (church) and has five chapters of this novel portraying Jesus as this Harley rider who blows into town and is intensely interested in you joining him on a journey. The DVD highlights ministries happening all around the Southern Territory and also doubles as a small group resource, with a five-week pdf on CD-ROM included with the DVD.

I worked in conjunction with OMM (Office of Media Ministries) on this project, and am indebted to them for the work they tirelessley performed. I hope you will all have a chance to view this project.

Also--keep your eyes open for the book So I Go Now by Jeff Jacobson to be released in May.

2006-04-19T11:59:00.000-04:00

You know, I was gonna get sick or I was gonna get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control, was when and how and where that was going to happen.

So, I made a rope. And I went up to the summit to hang myself.
But, I had to test it, you know. Course. You know me. And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree, and I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power. over. nothing.

And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive.

Somehow. I had to keep breathing, even though I had no reason to hope, and all my logic said that I would never see this place again.
So, that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And then, one day that logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, gave me a sail.

And now here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass.
And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island.

And I know what I have to do now. And, I keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?

-Cast Away (movie, Tom Hanks)

I'm working on a project where I am searching for quotes. So I went to this website and clicked on the link that would take me to quotes about hope. And this was the first quote. And I just stopped. Stopped everything I was doing and reminded myself to breathe.

This movie came out shortly after I had lost someone in a small plane crash. So when we went to see it, there were scenes that were difficult for me to endure. But these lines struck something with me today.

Obviously, I have never been stranded on a desert island, but you do get to a point in grief where you have to answer the question: Am I going to live or am I going to die? You are so consumed with pain, that of course the thought of taking your own life passes through your psyche. How long it dwells there is up to you.

So you make a choice, or maybe you experience the peace that the character references as a "warm blanket" and you decide to live.

And things change. And things continue to change everyday to the present. But you never forget the grief experience, and you appreciate the ones who were with you, whether physcially present or dimensionally present, because they are the ones whose strength you exhausted and whose strength you stood upon.

And for a while, I have entertained the idea that b/c sin is present in the world, sometimes events occur without any purpose. But I no longer believe that. How can I? In order for God to make all things new, he has to gather the experiences that were full of pain. Experiences that he did not cause, but he can restore. The work of redemption necessitates an encompassing of your whole being, all that has affected and shaped your perception. The result is a new life, a second chance, a restoration beyond what you could have imagined.

So you wait for the tide to come in, remind yourself to breathe, and build a sail.

I Don't Want to Die

2006-04-12T12:50:00.000-04:00

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (AP) -- In the final minutes of doomed United Air Lines Flight 93, September 11 hijackers try to shake off passengers attempting to take control of the plane as it flies over Pennsylvania.

"I don't want to die," a passenger is heard to cry out and a hijacker says, "Shall we finish it off?"

Moments later, the plane hurtles out of control to the ground, according to a cockpit voice recording played for a jury on Wednesday by federal prosecutors seeking the execution of Zacarias Moussaoui.

The prosecutors figuratively placed the jury aboard the doomed flight for its last heart-wrenching moments.

One passenger tells the hijackers, "Please, don't hurt me." Amid sounds of a struggle, a hijacker asks, "There is something, a fight?" The response is, "Yeah."
The last sound heard as the plane nears the ground: "Allah is the greatest."
Then silence.

The flight, one of four hijacked on September 11, 2001, crashed in a Pennsylvania field as passengers tried to retake it.

The cockpit voice recording had not been played publicly before.

The government rested its case just before 11:30 a.m. ET after the judge rejected prosecutors' request to display a running presentation of the names and photos of all of the nearly 3,000 victims of September 11.

Prosecutors were instead allowed to show one large poster with the pictures of all but 92 of the victims.

There were three victim-impact witnesses who gave testimony following the broadcast of the Flight 93 tape in the courtroom.

The judge sent the jury home for the day and the defense will begin its case on Thursday. As he left the courtroom, "God curse you all!"

The recording began at 9:31 a.m. with the hijackers' voice clearly stating "ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain ... we have a bomb on board, so sit."

For the next few minutes, passengers are repeatedly told, in English, "Don't move," "Shut up" "Sit," and "down down down."

The hijackers alternated between Arabic and English.

As the tape proceeded, it was clear that passengers were gaining the upper hand.

A voice of a hijacker, presumably inside the cockpit, says, "They want to get in." The voice continues, "Hold from within." At 10 a.m., there is a voice that says, "I am injured."

Sounds of a struggle can be heard. At that point, the plane appears to go out of control. There are sounds of the hijackers trying to shake off the passengers. The plane pitches back and forth.

As the jury heard the recording, prosecutors played a video presentation that simultaneously showed the flight path, speed and heading in a mockup similar to a flight simulator.

At 10:02 a.m., a hijacker says, "Give it to me. Give it to me." At 10:03 a.m. the plane dives amid crashing sounds and the tape stops.

The plane had been headed for the U.S. Capitol, according to September 11 mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed.

Moussaoui is the only person charged in this country in connection with the September 11 attacks. The jury deciding his fate has already declared him eligible for the death penalty by determining that his actions caused at least one death on 9/11.

Even though he was in jail in Minnesota at the time of the attacks, the jury ruled that lies told by Moussaoui to federal agents a month before the attacks kept them from identifying and stopping some of the hijackers.

Now they must decide whether Moussaoui deserves execution or life in prison.
Defense lawyers say the jury should spare Moussaoui's life because of his limited role in the attacks, evidence that he is mentally ill and because his execution would only play into his dream of martyrdom.

After several days of testimony related to the attacks on the World Trade Center in New York, the focus shifted Tuesday to the Pentagon.
On Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Leonie Brinkema issued an order requiring an unidentified individual to be produced for testimony.

The order apparently applied to would-be shoe bomber Richard Reid -- defense lawyers issued a subpoena last week seeking his testimony. Prosecutors had opposed the subpoena.

Moussaoui testified previously that he and Reid were going to hijack a fifth plane on September 11 and fly it into the White House. The defense lawyers, who have tried to discredit their client's credibility, have said Moussaoui is exaggerating his role to inflate his role in history.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

Mazeltov!

2006-04-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

attended my first jewish wedding this weekend. it was absolutely gorgeous! i spent the day cruising around my hometown.. will post those pictures and contemplations later.

Congratulations Natalie and Brian!

2006-04-06T16:06:00.000-04:00

They shall fight against you; but they shall not prevail, for I am with you, says the Lord, to deliver you.
Jeremiah 1:19

I have not been promised success, popularity, or visible results. I have not been promised the world. What I have been promised is sustaining presence.

Scenario #1

My favorite neighbors live across the street; the Jones' family, a single mom and five kids. Miss Jones is being forced to move b/c her landlord has decided to up the rent. She would go downtown and apply for section 8, but can't afford to take the time off work.

When she gave me this news, I realized that there are so many things I haven't had the chance to share with her and her kids yet. So many truths that would begin the process of relief. Things that would allow her to set down that burden I always see her carrying on her back. What will become of our relationship?

I have not been promised visible results.

Scenario #2

I've been working on a project at work. I will go into greater detail of this project at a later date. It involves the release of a DVD resource for our church. As the project nears completion, I was told that the production company we have been working very closely with has been given a final date. Their funding is running out, and the decision has been made not to renew next year's budget. Twenty-five years of service to an organization ends with the stark realization that they are not wanted.

We have not been promised success.

Scenario #3

In the throes of a relationship that has see-sawed back and forth on the sea of non-commitment, I have been honest. And that honesty has shut me out of a large part of a close friend's life.

I have not been promised popularity.

What I have been promised is sustaining presence. The path that lies ahead is full of endings. But my journey down that path is sustained with a promise. God says, "I am with you."

2006-04-05T14:58:00.000-04:00

Approach

2006-04-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

I attended a conference last summer where I had the opportunity to hear a man named Gayle Beebe speak. Dr. Beebe is the president of Spring Arbor University, and his sermon was very similar to a college lecture. He handed out a quite comprehensive outline and then hit only the high points, leaving us with a wealth of knowledge to sift through following the service.

One of the "high points" of the sermon was how life with God can be categorized into seven different approaches. I nearly balked at this statement from the moment it left his lips, but the outline he provided left me intrigued with the possibility that he could be correct.

He unpacked only two of these approaches:

1. The Spiritual Life as the Right Ordering of Our Love for God

and

2. The Spiritual Life as a Journey

Under each approach was listed a number of theologians, writers, and thinkers who adhere to that approach, and whose writings support as such.

The approach that I no doubt found the most attractive was the approach that stated a life with God is an oscillation between a life of action and a life of contemplation leading to initmate relationship with God.

I think I found this approach so attractive b/c it defined the search all of us have inside of ourselves to know God intimately, lovingly, and more than anything else differently.

I understood a long time ago that my life with Christ can exist completely outside of what I DO for him, but recently I can't ignore the call to something greater as I am sensitized to the war, famine, hunger, and injustice that exist both in and outside our own nation's borders.

Yet, in leading a life upholding justice, I don't want my work to lead me to a self-righteous state where I feel that is enough either. I have often wondered how to balance a life of mission and a life centered on quieting the outer voices and being found by Him.

Dr. Beebe made a quote that I have scribbled in the sidebar to the outline: You are distracted from your core belief by the things you think which give rise to the things you do.

I wonder what will become of this "emerging" movement that seeks to so very much to start doing when it all begins and ends in Him.

Today in our office devotions, I listened to the story of the the thief nailed on the cross beside Jesus. It is referenced previously that he was one of the individuals who joined in with the jeers from the crowd. So what happened? There came a moment when he realized that he was indeed mistaken, and that this man was the Son of God. Jesus was hanging there suffering so the world could come to know him, and he was praying, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And then a conversation was had between the other theif and Jesus when this criminal decided that he would change his tune and stick up for the man who had done nothing wrong. And the world stopped and Jesus turned to him, looked into his heart, and said, "Today you will be with me in paradise."

Jesus, while in communion with his Heavenly Father, stopped and turned to this criminal and offered him eternal life. Quite an oscillation.

One of the definitions of oscillation is a flow of electricity changing periodically from the minimum to the maximum. I don't believe in balance. I think much of our pop psychology stuff was taken from Mr. Myagi. But maybe this oscillation is a continual swing from the life of action to the life of contemplation.

Minimum to Maximum
Maximum to Minimum

Contemplation to Justice
Justice to Contemplation

But the machine that holds the pendulum is Jesus, speaking truth and affirmation into our souls so that we are enabled to act in His name.

Though Dr. Beebe didn't make this particular approach one of his "high points" it certainly left me with a lot to think about. The goal is not to study the approaches, but to use one or more of the approaches to facilitate our own life with God.

2006-04-04T09:46:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Mike for this clip from Bill Maher. Warning: This may offend.

Here's the video clip.

Priceless quote:

"If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war, or torture, or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs."

Something New

2006-04-04T09:27:00.000-04:00

Does beginning something new mean that we are abandoning all that is old?

Does beginning something new mean we will damage relationships?

Does beginning something new mean that we are all really committed?

Are we beginning something new because we are tired of the current?

Are we beginning something new simply for the sake of creating something new?

Does beginning something new mean that we will actually live out "church" as a verb, and not as a noun?

Doesn't beginning something new require a deeper spiritual relationship with our God?

Are we ready to jump on board for something new because it's easier than changing what is existing?

Can we be a part of beginning something new without having these questions answered?

2006-03-23T15:56:00.000-05:00

it's 3:42 in the morning. and i awake to our new puppy resting her head on my neck. this means one of three things: she wants to go under the covers, she has to go outside, she wants to play. housetraining this puppy is really something they should give out awards for.. but if they did, i daresay that i would fail to even qualify for honorable mention. on the flip side, I have discovered a wonderful carpet cleaner that i rave about to any housewife i come in contact with.

puppy: i need to go out!
me: (deftly reach for the sock that she's found somewhere in the house and lazily try to entice her with it)
jason: hmmmmmfilibmmmmmm
me: what?
puppy: (looks at jason and cocks her head to one side)
me: jason, are you awake?
jake (our 5-year old lab): loudly yawns
puppy: (begins gnawing on jake's ear)
me: (whisper) stop it!
jason: zsa zsa zsa zsa zsa
puppy: (sticks her nose under the covers and tries to manuever to the end of the bed, jumping over a conglomeration of human legs and the overweight body of her big brother, jake)
me: (fall backwards onto the pillow and instantly enter sleep for the next 92 minutes)

5:14 a.m.

puppy: please take me out!
jake: (now lying on top of the covers rendering me with a 9x9 inch square)
me: (frantic whisper) jake, move!!
jason: mmmmflllllbrrrrrrggggg
me: jason, are you awake?
jason: (rolls over)
me: (whisper) jake, let's go under the covers!!
jake: (makes no movement)
me: (push jake so that he is lying exactly in between jason and i)
jake: (makes no movement)
jason: Kelly! I have, like, not even a foot of space over here!
me: well, i'm trying to make this equal!!
jason: obla obla obla obla
me: jason? are you awake?
jason: (snoring)
puppy: (jumps off the bed and runs downstairs)

Our bedroom is in a loft, so we have no door. The puppy has free reign of the house if we do not oblige and take her out or go and gather her back to bed. Yesterday with free reign of the house she ate three Krispy Kreme donuts, a few pieces of mail, and an ink pen.

me: (quickly grab a sweatshirt and chase after the puppy down the stairs)

we go out, she sniffs every blade of grass in our overgrown yard (is it already spring?) and we go back inside, and back to bed.

puppy: (starts scratching the blanket as if she's trying to dig a hole in the mattress)
me: (push jake back to the center of the bed and try to get comfortable between two dogs and my husband)
puppy: (collapses from exhaustion at the foot of the bed)
me: (look at the clock and relish that it's jason's turn to feed them breakfast in 45 minutes)
jason: did she go?
me: yeah.. hmflibishssssss (as i drift off to sleep)

2006-03-23T15:53:00.000-05:00

My husband Jason has just recently been given the opportunity to travel to China. Read below:

China - Touch Their Poverty!

I have been asked to be a part of a human trafficking assessment team to Mainland China. I will be going with a team of Salvation Army leaders to various project sites within poor communities in China which are at risk for human trafficking. My role on the team will be to see the situation through the eyes of a westerner and give my feedback as to how this problem may best be communicated to the west. My goal for the trip is to "touch their poverty." Or rather I want to be touched by their poverty! I want to feel the discomfort of their living to the point of it breaking my heart.

This is something that The Salvation Army has always been called to do. Last August I was able to read, "Good Morning China!" a book by Lt. Colonel Check-Hung Yee which tells the history of The Salvation Army in China. In an epilogue his daughter says, "As you step back in time and experience God’s transforming work in this generation of brave soldiers, may your heart also leap and be fanned to flame with the bond of love for China’'s 1.3 billion souls.’ As I read this book that is exactly what happened. I found myself with a burning desire to go to China and see the army at work there.

I plan on coming back to the states with a renewed vision and passion for God's calling on my life for the world. I will be leaving next Wednesday and coming back on April 8th. I would love to ask you all to support me and the team. Please pray for us even now as we prepare to go. On my return it is my plan to provide a report of the trip on this blog.

One friend wrote to say the Lord had layed the following verse on his heart regarding this trip:

'You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thorn-bush will grow a pine tree, and instead of briers, the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.'

Isaiah 55:12

I am raising support to cover the cost of this trip. If you feel that you would like to help support this trip financially or would just like more information please contact me at Jason_Pope@uss.salvationarmy.org.

Faithful Recognition

2006-03-22T10:40:00.000-05:00

Last saturday i saw The Motorcycle Diaries, which chronicles a trip taken by Che Guevera and his friend. They travel the continents of South and Central America. Che Guevera is moved by the injustice he sees at each stop on their journey. You see him give away money, food, even medicine to people he comes in contact with, people that are merely trying to survive.

Towards the end of the film, Che and his friend visit a leper colony. They had established contact with the doctor beforehand, and they aid the doctors and nuns in caring for the sick. They also help those who come for care by building houses, working the fields, and developing relationships. These people have been outcast by society, a simple conversation or handshake means acceptance, love.

There is one scene in a cabin, where Che and his friend are sleeping. Che is staring out into the dark of night, looking at the Amazon. He asks his friend if he sees the river to which his friend replies with some smart answer. Che remarks, "It separates the sick from the healthy."

The last night at the leper colony, the doctors and nurses throw a birthday party for Che. After the party, he goes down to the dock on the river and stares across it toward the land where the lepers live. His friend comes out for another toast, and Che decides to swim the river. He jumps in. The friend tries to get him to return. The head doctor runs to the bank of the river, and says that no one has ever crossed it before. It causes such a commotion that the residents on the other side come out of their homes to see what all the yelling is about. It is then that they see Che swimming with all his energy.

Che has asthma. There is a good chance he won't make it. But he does. He reaches the other side of the river and the sick pull him out and embrace him. This scene sent such a strong message to me. It's as if Che was thinking, "I will be the bridge between the sick and the healthy."

In our office today, we bid farewell to two pastors. They are on their way to begin the Salvation Army's work in Romania. They helped start the work in Moldova in the '90's, and always prayed that God would open up some door for the work in Romania to begin. Recently, the government of Romania granted permission for the Salvation Army to come, and these two individuals answered the call. At our farewell coffee break, the wife teared up as she talked about how difficult the separation will be from her kids and five grandchildren. The husband stood at the podium with such humility.

He recounted their experiences in Moldova, when the work seemed so overwhelming at certain points, that he and his wife would return to their apartment and sit on the sofa and cry. He spoke of God's faithfulness. How when it always seemed to be endless, he was reminded of his fervent desire to increase the kingdom. It was then that God would send down the gentle whisper of peace. And that was enough to carry them through.

I have to wonder if I am as open as these three individuals. Do I allow the Spirit to speak to me of the injustices that surround us in our neighborhood? Am I obedient to the call of God even when circumstances appear bleak?

"What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God." --Micah 6:8

What Kind of Bottled Water do you Drink?

2006-03-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

Somalia is one of the countries worst affected by a drought which has hit the Horn of Africa, leaving some 11.5 million people in need of food aid.

Ibrahim Abdi Obley used to be one of the richest nomads in his region, with 180 cattle. Just two are still alive, while he has been treated for severe malnutrition.

This family in western Somalia stand by the roadside, begging for water night and day. Their well has run dry and the nearest water is 12km away.

Many people in the region are nomads, reliant on their animals to survive. But even hardy camels are feeling the effects of the lack of rain...

Less resistant animals like donkeys are already dying, although some are still being used to transport scarce water.

Hared Mohamed Hussain left his family to seek help a month ago after all his animals died. He is now too sick to return and does not know whether his family is still alive

After all her cattle died, Fadir Adan Mahad is selling firewood to buy food for herself and her three goats. Christian Aid warns there could be a catastrophe unless help arrives soon.

All photos and text taken from the BBC.

For more detailed research on this topic, read Lesley's post.

The Clash

2006-03-15T10:03:00.000-05:00

In college, I had this one professor for four classes. His name was Michael Herb and his specialization was Middle Eastern affairs. I think I had him for Global Issues, Politics of the Middle East and Northern Africa, Politics of Developing Countries, and politics of something else.. He would always start out each semester with a review of Samuel Huntington's book, The Clash of Civilizations where the author makes quite a compelling argument that civilizations have replaced our notions of nations and states and ideologies. And the work to understand this new climate, will be understanding the cultures.

After taking Dr. Herb for the third time, I was able to ace the first series of quizzes with my eyes closed, seeing as they all related to this book. But with all that has been going on lately in the Middle East, I have been reminded of Samuel Huntington and his theories.

Everything seems to be breaking down in Iraq. Now, I voted for Bush in the last presidential election because we were already in Iraq. I don't think going in was necesarily the right thing for us to do, but since we were already in up to our waistlines, I saw no form of recourse that didn't lead to civil war. Yet now, while we are there, it seems as though civil war is beginning.

Not "techinically" as the US generals remind us there is still a government in place, but the violence is overwhelming. And it has led me to some open ended questions lately:

When we pull out, understanding that this rebuilding effort is a long-term, not short-term plan, is it even possible for us as Americans.. as the US for that matter, to establish peace in a Middle Eastern nation?

I had the opportunity to see the movie Syriana this winter which followed several individual storylines, one being a young man in the Middle East. After losing his job b/c the CEO of a major US oil company decided to downsize, he was desperate. No money, away from home, no resources. He found out about "religious school" from a friend, and eventually decided to attend. They offered pay, education, knowledge, food, and purpose. Ladies and gentlemen, this was a terrorist camp. Is the US presence offering anything of purpose to the people of Iraq?

Maybe it's not the US's job to police the world. I mean, there are hundreds of other small countries that need aid in establishing government, are we going to help them too? Probably not. However, since our plan was to take out Sadaam, is it our responsibility to stay, occupy, and get things in order?

I come back to a quote from Samuel Huntington's The Clash of Civilizations:

The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do.

It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp

2006-03-07T14:09:00.000-05:00

It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won the Oscar for Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures

You know it’s hard out here for a pimp
When he tryin to get his money for the rent
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent
Because a whole lot of bitches talking s--t

On an average night, they have sex with 10-15 people and have to meet a quota which is usually $500-1,000 a night. The young girls and women never keep their money. The pimp was making…between her and other women … about $642,000 a year tax free.

— Tina Frundt, testimony before Congress, April 29, 2005

Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head
They come hopin every night, they don’t end up bein dead

And then of course, after we crossed the line, our worlds changed forever. ALL of us had friends who didn’t make it out alive.

— Survivor Services, Education and Empowerment Network (SSEEN) letter to Congress, August 1, 2005

In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets
Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me

In the Hispanic brothels, girls—and by that I mean children—are expected to “service” a different man every fifteen minutes, from 30 to as many as 55 “customers” per day. After a few weeks of this unimaginable regime, the human brain begins to permanently dissociate from reality as a sheer survival mechanism. The scarring is such that only a small proportion of these victims are ever able to return to a semblance of a normal life.

— Bradley Myles, National Program Coordinator, Polaris Project, a D.C.-based anti-trafficking NGO

Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they’ll both do you

[P]imps and madams [sold] us to johns who intended violent acts as long as the purchasers paid extra. After all, we were only viewed as commodities and worst of all, we believed it.”

— SSEEN letter to Congress, August 1, 2005

It’s blood sweat and tears when it come down to this s--t
I’m trying to get rich ‘fore I leave up out this bitch

Eighty percent of the women were sexually assaulted by pimps via sadistic sex; 71% of pimps use drugs to control the women; and 34% of the women received death threats from pimps personally or to their family.
— Raymond, Hughes, Gomez, “Sex Trafficking In the United States, Coalition Against Trafficking of Women Study,” March 2001

Sixty-eight percent of girls entered prostitution before age sixteen.
—Silbert and Pines “Entrance into Prostitution,” Youth and Society 1982 (SanFransisco)

Forty-six percent of women in prostitution attempted suicide.
— Parriot, “Health of Twin Cities Women in Prostitution,” May1994

The mortality rate of women in prostitution, adjusted for age and race, is more than 200 times greater than the population at large.
— Potterat , Brewer “Mortality in a Long-term Open Cohort ofProstituted Women,” Am J Epidemiology, 2004. (Colorado)

You know what? I think it just got a little easier out here for a pimp.

— Jon Stewart, Host of Academy Awards, March 5, 2006

The war against pimps and trafficking mafias brings us face to face with the slavery issue of our time. Both internationally and within the United States great progress has been made during the past few years thanks to the leadership of feminist and church leaders, the President, Congress, and inner city leaders who have witnessed the tragic influence of pimp culture on the values of all of their young people. In a few short years, we will no more glorify pimps than we do Simon Legree.

— Ambassador John Miller, Director of the Office to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons, United States Department of State

Rainbow Connection

2006-03-03T12:03:00.000-05:00

Does the church have a rainbow connection?

sarah mclachlan does a great cover of this, worth downloading.

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing,
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
-- Kermit the Frog, Rainbow Connection

What If...

2006-03-02T08:33:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine, Mike, posted this, and it truly stirred me in light of my recent church experiences..

If the electricity went out, and your walls fell down, and your biggest givers died, what would you have left? Would you have a community of people still seeking after the heart of God? Would you still worship even without a band? Would you still be able to learn about God even though you can't show a video or a PowerPoint slide? In other words, what you have when everything else goes away is what your church is really all about.

2006-03-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

many thoughts have been swirling around in my head lately. and i haven't been able to form them together, but felt the need after a friend mentioned that i hadn't posted in a while. i have some thoughts that i will list below. please note that these may be completely unrelated and possibly even incoherent.

what are the ways we encounter God? through action, or through interaction? is my God a contextualized American God? is this why i see-saw back and forth with living overseas? do i think that i might not be able to encounter God there? are people so inspired by missionaries b/c of their sacrifice or because they show us new ways of encountering God outside of our context?

why is it the Jesus i read about in scripture a completely different person than the Jesus i have heard about all my life in sunday school? after being inspired by richard foster, i examined all the verses Jesus spoke of on prayer. and it, too, turned out to be a completely different concept than what i had always envisioned.

i seem to have gotten to a point in my life where i've realized that it is only possible to have a few very close friends. and sometimes your closest friends are not the ones who know you best. all relationships at this very moment are either drawing together or pulling apart. so stop stressing out.

shit happens. accept that. God still is and was and always will be. his love does not change because of my circumstance.

i want to be a person of love. to be known by love. and i need to work on that one.

--peace out

Prayer

2006-02-16T11:50:00.000-05:00

i just listened to a sermon from Erwin McManus, and as usual his fervor and passion challenged me on a deep level. the sermon was on prayer and he used the scripture from I Kings when Elijah triumphed over the prophets of Baal.

new insights from the sermon:

we can all agree to pray more. but that will not make us any different from the Hindus, the Muslims, or the Buddhists. we need to stop making the resolution to pray more, and start connecting to God through our prayers.

how many of us would be honest enough to say, 'when i pray, nothing happens.'

when people look at Christians, can they undeniably say that God is in our midst?

verse 36 reads, "At the time of sacrifice, Elijah stepped forward to pray."

a life of prayer is intricately linked to a life of obedience. in reading the passage, i noticed that the prophets of Baal had far more fervent prayers. i want more connection with God through my prayers. i think we all do.

i need to be willing to step forward at the moment of sacrifice just as elijah did. i need to be willing to no longer pray a prayer when i am not willing to be the answer to that prayer.

erwin's final thoughts:

we can make Christianity just another world religion where we pray and pray and pray. God never speaks and we never obey. or we can step into the intimate presence of the creator God through Jesus Christ and believe that he speaks and treasure his voice with obedience. and know that when we, in the time of sacrifice, step forward and pray with confidence, that God will bring down the fire of Heaven. i don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of Christianity becoming just another world religion, it is time for a revolution where we become followers of Jesus and prove that the Lord is God.

Coretta Scott King

2006-02-08T11:08:00.000-05:00

When I got home last night, I turned on the television, and was very moved by the funeral of Coretta Scott King. I hadn't planned to watch it, but it was on every station. I only caught the last hour and a half of the six hour service, but I was in tears by the end.

Maya Angelou's words washed over the crowd gathered:

She was a quintessential African-American woman, born in the small-town repressive South; born of flesh and destined to become iron; born of cornflower and destined to become a steel magnolia.

I pledge to you, my sister, I will never cease - I mean to say, I want to see a better world. I mean to say I want to see some peace somewhere. I mean to say I want to see some honesty, some fair play. I want to see kindness and justice. This is what I want to see, and I want to see it through my eyes and through your eyes Coretta Scott King.

And then singing: I open my mouth to the Lord, and I won't turn back no -- I will go. I shall go. I'll see what the end is going to be.

Reverend Joseph Lowery spoke all in verse. He hypothesized a scene in Heaven where Martin was sitting down with Rosa to reminisce about old times, when all of a sudden he hears someone coming to the pearly gates. The Reverend ended his prose with, "Together at last! Together at last! Thank God Almighty, we're together at last!"

The King's youngest daughter gave the eulogy which turned out to be more of a challenge. I was particularly moved at her conclusion when she mentioned that the example that has been set for us is slowly moving on, but that God is rising up a new generation of leaders that will usher in this new era of change. And I thought,

"It's not just us. It's not just us who feel as though God is moving the nations toward something new."

After the funeral, I went into our study and picked up my book that contains the "I Have a Dream" speech. I read through it and felt as though the words spoken over forty years ago still held so much truth for us today. I thought about economic inequality, about poverty, about preventable disease, about racism that still runs deep even in our own neighborhood. The words of Martin Luther King Jr. spoke so loudly:

We have come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

... Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force...

... This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair and a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony. With this faith we will be able to go to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

After the funeral was over, Jason and I heard a voice outside. There was a woman who lives down the street sitting on her porch and singing hymns at the top of her lungs, for the whole neighborhood to hear. Sitting and singing. One lone voice cutting through the cold of the winter air. Maybe in mourning, maybe in rejoicing.

To those of us who read this blog of random thoughts of one individual, I want to say that we have been offered a challenge. We need to move beyond simply talking, and be advocates of change. This world needs leaders who answer the call, and I think we are those very leaders.

We need to identify and reveal the chains of injustice that yoke the opressed, and work with all of HIS strength to set the captives free. As I went to bed last night, the air felt differently. It is ripe for change and that change needs to begin now.

For I, too, have a dream today.

Acceptance

2006-02-06T10:39:00.000-05:00

i had a very long post all prepared discussing the state of the union and all the promises made, but decided not to go into my own personal dissertation at the risk of boring everyone, and the mere fact that it's already been done by countless other bloggers.

i find myself becoming jaded at the politics of our country and the countries of others. as obssessed with daily news as i am, zeroing in on the talking heads and watching very carefully the decisions made by heads of state, it does seem as though we are all too content to miss the ones we should be seeing; the people who are affected by these decisions. the ones that are unable to control the forces that may very well force them out of a country where they find a home, however unpeaceful that home may be. the ones who are desperately trying to survive, but who have no voice.

we saw munich this weekend. very powerful. the leading actor eventually becomes consumed with what he is doing, so much so that he fears for his own life, maddeningly driving himself crazy with paranoia. and i thought this:

it never ends.

our sinful nature isn't wiped clean upon accepting Jesus into our lives. we are still tempted with our desires. the act of release is the tool we often fail to learn in this relationship, but it is the very tool we need to be able to experience the freedom that comes with knowing Jesus. why is it that we can readily accept a Savior, but have such a hard time accepting the love that comes with knowing that Savior?

Excerpts from Bono's speech at the National Prayer Breakfast

2006-02-03T14:16:00.000-05:00

In fact, you have doubled aid to Africa. You have tripled funding for global health. Mr. President, your emergency plan for AIDS relief and support for the Global Fund - you and Congress - have put 700,000 people onto life-saving anti-retroviral drugs and provided 8 million bed nets to protect children from malaria.

Outstanding human achievements. Counterintuitive. Historic. Be very, very proud.
But here's the bad news. From charity to justice, the good news is yet to come. There is much more to do. There's a gigantic chasm between the scale of the emergency and the scale of the response.

And finally, it's not about charity after all, is it? It's about justice.

Let me repeat that: It's not about charity, it's about justice.
And that's too bad.

Because you're good at charity. Americans, like the Irish, are good at it. We like to give, and we give a lot, even those who can't afford it.

But justice is a higher standard. Africa makes a fool of our idea of justice; it makes a farce of our idea of equality. It mocks our pieties, it doubts our concern, it questions our commitment.

Sixty-five hundred Africans are still dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease, for lack of drugs we can buy at any drug store. This is not about charity, this is about justice and equality.

Because there's no way we can look at what's happening in Africa and, if we're honest, conclude that deep down, we really accept that Africans are equal to us. Anywhere else in the world, we wouldn't accept it. Look at what happened in South East Asia with the tsunami. 150,000 lives lost to that misnomer of all misnomers, "mother nature." In Africa, 150,000 lives are lost every month. A tsunami every month. And it's a completely avoidable catastrophe.

It's annoying but justice and equality are mates. Aren't they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.

You know, think of those Jewish sheep-herders going to meet the Pharaoh, mud on their shoes, and the Pharaoh says, "Equal?" A preposterous idea: rich and poor are equal? And they say, "Yeah, 'equal,' that's what it says here in this book. We're all made in the image of God."

And eventually the Pharaoh says, "OK, I can accept that. I can accept the Jews - but not the blacks."

"Not the women. Not the gays. Not the Irish. No way, man."

So on we go with our journey of equality.

On we go in the pursuit of justice.

We hear that call in the ONE Campaign, a growing movement of more than 2 million Americans...Left and Right together... united in the belief that where you live should no longer determine whether you live.

We hear that call even more powerfully today, as we mourn the loss of Coretta Scott King - mother of a movement for equality, one that changed the world but is only just getting started. These issues are as alive as they ever were; they just change shape and cross the seas.

Preventing the poorest of the poor from selling their products while we sing the virtues of the free market...that's a justice issue. Holding children to ransom for the debts of their grandparents...that's a justice issue. Withholding life-saving medicines out of deference to the Office of Patents...that's a justice issue.

And while the law is what we say it is, God is not silent on the subject.

That's why I say there's the law of the land¿. And then there is a higher standard. There's the law of the land, and we can hire experts to write them so they benefit us, so the laws say it's OK to protect our agriculture but it's not OK for African farmers to do the same, to earn a living?

As the laws of man are written, that's what they say.

God will not accept that.

Mine won't, at least. Will yours?
[ pause]

I close this morning on...very...thin...ice.
This is a dangerous idea I've put on the table: my God vs. your God, their God vs. our God...vs. no God. It is very easy, in these times, to see religion as a force for division rather than unity.

And this is a town - Washington - that knows something of division.
But the reason I am here, and the reason I keep coming back to Washington, is because this is a town that is proving it can come together on behalf of what the scriptures call the least of these.

This is not a Republican idea. It is not a Democratic idea. It is not even, with all due respect, an American idea. Nor it is unique to any one faith.

'Do to others as you would have them do to you' (Luke 6:30). Jesus says that.

'Righteousness is this: that one should...give away wealth out of love for him to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and the beggars and for the emancipation of the captives.' The Koran says that (2.177).

Thus sayeth the Lord: 'Bring the homeless poor into the house, when you see the naked, cover him, then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring fourth, then your Lord will be your rear guard.' The Jewish scripture says that. Isaiah 58 again.

That is a powerful incentive: 'The Lord will watch your back.' Sounds like a good deal to me, right now.

A number of years ago, I met a wise man who changed my life. In countless ways, large and small, I was always seeking the Lord's blessing. I was saying, you know, I have a new song, look after it¿. I have a family, please look after them¿. I have this crazy idea...

And this wise man said: stop.

He said, stop asking God to bless what you're doing.
Get involved in what God is doing - because it's already blessed.
Well, God, as I said, is with the poor. That, I believe, is what God is doing.
And that is what he's calling us to do.

I was amazed when I first got to this country and I learned how much some churchgoers tithe. Up to 10% of the family budget. Well, how does that compare with the federal budget, the budget for the entire American family? How much of that goes to the poorest people in the world? Less than 1%.

Mr. President, Congress, people of faith, people of America:
I want to suggest to you today that you see the flow of effective foreign assistance as tithing.... Which, to be truly meaningful, will mean an additional 1% of the federal budget tithed to the poor.

What is 1%?

1% is not merely a number on a balance sheet.

1% is the girl in Africa who gets to go to school, thanks to you. 1% is the AIDS patient who gets her medicine, thanks to you. 1% is the African entrepreneur who can start a small family business thanks to you. 1% is not redecorating presidential palaces or money flowing down a rat hole. This 1% is digging waterholes to provide clean water.

1% is a new partnership with Africa, not paternalism toward Africa, where increased assistance flows toward improved governance and initiatives with proven track records and away from boondoggles and white elephants of every description.
America gives less than 1% now. We're asking for an extra 1% to change the world. to transform millions of lives - but not just that and I say this to the military men now - to transform the way that they see us.

1% is national security, enlightened economic self-interest, and a better, safer world rolled into one. Sounds to me that in this town of deals and compromises, 1% is the best bargain around.

These goals - clean water for all; school for every child; medicine for the afflicted, an end to extreme and senseless poverty - these are not just any goals; they are the Millennium Development goals, which this country supports. And they are more than that. They are the Beatitudes for a globalised world.
Now, I'm very lucky. I don't have to sit on any budget committees. And I certainly don't have to sit where you do, Mr. President. I don't have to make the tough choices.

But I can tell you this:
To give 1% more is right. It's smart. And it's blessed.

There is a continent - Africa - being consumed by flames.
I truly believe that when the history books are written, our age will be remembered for three things: the war on terror, the digital revolution, and what we did - or did not to - to put the fire out in Africa.

History, like God, is watching what we do.

Crossroads

2006-01-30T15:58:00.000-05:00

up to this point in my life, i have come to two major crossroads, and on both occasions, i followed my heart. but now i am faced with a third, and am unsure of where i should be headed.

each path presents to me its own set of challenges and opportunities, how is it possible to know which decision is the best? i am seeking hard after God, but the whole "he-is-less-concerned-with-what-you-do-than-who-you-are" thing keeps ringing in my ears.

"..lead a life worthy of the calling you have received." --Ephesians 4:1

my job is in the field of spiritual formation. our formation is largely dependent on our capacity to live a called life. this verse presupposes a God who speaks and a people who are willing to listen. am i willing to listen?

it has not been my experience that God gives me a definitive answer leading me in one way or another. it's more of a revelation that expands the different pathways so that i am able to see clearer each destination. the choice, however, remains for me to make.

i don't know if i will follow my heart this time. sometimes you have to take the measured approach. it's not as romantic, and it sure as hell doesn't make for an interesting post, but there is still beauty to be found in the small steps along the way. and it is through that beauty that i will become stronger and more attuned to his voice.

it is in this crossroads that my life will become worthy~of his calling.. and of my reception.

2006-01-19T11:09:00.000-05:00

our newly annual ROOTS conference was this past weekend, and it went extremely well. Joy and I headed up the teen venue as usual, and things came off as smooth as silk. what is this attributed to? all of the prayers circling the skies, and for that, i thank you all. lives were changed. and that is one of the only things worth celebrating in this life.

there are some decisions to be made for me personally, and i am a little unsure of how to go about making them. of course there's prayer, and the constant dissecting of every possible option. i need to listen more.

as of new years eve, jason and i have added a number to our family.

her name is sadie and she has completely interrupted our lives.

this was more informative than my usual posts, but i felt the need to update, and shall be back to my usual self soon.

may your joy be complete.

Ray of Light

2006-01-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

jason and i were on the road travelling this weekend to ocala, florida. it was his grandmother's 85th birthday.

the road stretched out before us into the horizon as we drove well into the evening. as we neared the florida state line, clouds covered the sky. you could see the powerful light of the sun behind one cloud and i was struck by the rays of sunlight that we could see miles ahead of us. drifting down from behind the cloud, like arms stretching toward the earth.

my thoughts contained many things, heavy with the weight of a thousand stories. some to be written, some never to be told.

the book on cd i had purchased for the trip was fascinating, but i was in and out of the storyline, getting lost in the detail. i thought about the future, and the possibilities that await us. i considered my gifts, trying to iron out exactly what i am created for, if it is just one thing.. and dwelt on the push i have felt as of late. the push to try something new, taking a step out in faith. a bit scared of the vulnerability..

there is a struggle there, to trust God as he makes way for a new start. "see, i am doing a new thing.." is a refrain that echoes in and out of my life, my circumstances, my sleep.

i thought about miss jones, the single mom who lives across the street from us. a few nights ago, i was getting something out of my car and heard wailing only to look over and see a dozen or so young men helping her inside her house. we found out later, from derricka (another neighbor) that miss jones' father had passed away. it sounded tragic b/c she had to rush to alabama to identify the body.

i thought about keith and pauline, our friends in scotland. pauline is completely blind now, and an exploratory sugery tries to find the root of the pain she is feeling. we don't know how much longer she has.

i've been through grief, but am by no means an expert. i feel as if i should sit in silence with both keith and miss jones. there are lessons to expound upon, but who am i to act as such an authority? i can share the freedom i know, the healing he brings. but for now, know in the silence... that this is not the end.

jason is reading a book by an open theist to get another point of view. this author talks about the problem of evil. he states that maybe everything doesn't have a divinely ordered purpose. maybe there are some things that happen b/c evil is in the world and that's the end of it.

don't give me the verses, i know the verses. and i know the response to these evil acts are what matter, but i couldn't help but wonder about the people that are impacted. i want to see the plan that explains why these people.

they have enough to deal with already. they are so weak in the pain. please, lord, give them something--a hook, a hand, a rope--something to hold on to.

and then my gaze returns to the rays of sun cascading down ahead of us. "like arms stretching toward the earth." and i realize... you already have.

Christmas with the Cousins

2006-01-03T16:18:00.000-05:00

this was a picture with the cousins from Christmas at Grandma's. Jason thought it would be funny to not shave for three days and then shave everything off but the mustache for Christmas. we berated him about it until he finally agreed to shave it all. other than that minor detail, i thought it was a good picture.

Drop the Backpack

2006-01-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

i took a suggestion from a comment left on my last post and read the following commencement speech. it's something i think we should all read as we forge our way into 2006.

http://tagudin.typepad.com/kathy_tagudin/2005/11/being_perfect.html

2005-12-30T09:19:00.000-05:00

2005

SEASONS OF LOVE (Rent Soundtrack)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Canvas

2005-12-29T12:17:00.000-05:00

somewhere along the way, they took away my crayons, and i diminished my creativity in an effort to be smart, well-rounded, and efficient. but i no longer want to be any of those things.

i'd like to paint the canvas of my life instead of merely existing as a black and white outline.

i have been filled with life by the creator who is now asking me to create. shall i refuse or deny this request?

with fear and a trembling hand, i will begin to add color to this dull landscape; painting the scenes with vibrance, bringing beauty from these ashes.

may the light that shines in me shine through me onto the page, with my broad strokes of red, and yellow, and violet...

White Stone

2005-12-27T14:11:00.000-05:00

has Christmas really come and gone? it seems almost impossible. back at work already?

the holiday in palm beach was beautiful and fun and all the things family really should be. grandpa wasn't there, but i could feel his presence all around us. he was at the christmas eve service and he was sitting in his chair when the gifts were passed out, and i could see him cooking in the kitchen. i know he's really close to grandma right now, even though her pain sometimes clouds her view of him.

if we really allowed ourselves to feel, we would be able to connect so much more than we do these days. an extended period of time with family really engulfs you in your history.

one of my favorite verses in the bible is revelation 2:17:

"...to everyone who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give a white stone, and on the white stone is written a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it."

i first came upon this verse while reading john elderedge. he talks about how then we will 'know fully' even as we 'have been fully known.' but i came across it today in a c.s. lewis devotional. he expanded the interpretation to note that not only does God love us fully, but individually.

maybe it's my western socialization, but the thought of an individual love really wrapped itself around my heart. i have to fight against the gospel becoming impersonal. i think that's one of the reasons why "christianity" in america seems so often to be the enemy. for those who don't believe, it is a dramatic account of an impersonal historical figure.

but it's the personal encounters and experiences that have transformed us. the touch of God reaching down from heaven to speak truth into our lives.

maybe he's been calling me by that name on my white stone all along. sitting with grandpa, talking about how he came for Christmases like these; to be born, and live, and die and rise again, so we could all know him, personally. and rest in the hope that those who have gone on before us are walking with Him now, until we receive our stone and join them in the fellowship of eternity.

a Christmas Prayer

2005-12-21T15:17:00.000-05:00

i go on vacation tomorrow and will be in florida through the 26th. i will leave you with a Christmas Eve prayer, to be read at dusk, or before midnight on the 24th.

This night is the long night
when those who listen await His cry.

This night is the eve of the great nativity
when those who are longing await His appearing.

Wait, with watchful heart.

Listen carefully, through the stillness;
listen, hear the telling of the waves upon the shore.

Listen, hear the song of the angels glorious-
e're long it will be heard
that His foot has reached the earth:
news-that the glory is come!

Truly his salvation is near
for those who fear Him
and His glory shall dwell in our land.

Watch and pray, the Lord shall come.

Those who are longing await his appearing.

Those who listen await His cry.

Watch...

Wait...

Listen...

This night is the long night.

--from Celtic Daily Prayer

Swallowed in the Sea

2005-12-20T11:58:00.000-05:00

you cut me down to size
and opened up my eyes
made me realize
what i could not see

shed a few tears after listening to that verse the other night.

2005-12-19T09:45:00.000-05:00

i should deem last week, "The Week of the Parties." because on this monday morning, i almost feel as though Christmas has already passed. everyone is on vacation, and i am left in an office on an empty hall, eating fudge out of my Christmas tin.

saturday we had a party at the apartment complex. eighteen kids came, we had cake, presents, games, and a time of singing. we were able to meet two new mothers. it went really well.

*************************************

it's hard for me to regain the wonder of christmas without looking forward to the secular aspects of this holiday. does anyone else feel that way? it's as if i've been so conditioned by society, that the story of Jesus' birth seems to pale against the backdrop.

at church yesterday, we sang a lot of carols and there was a live nativity and everything, and i thought about how strange it must have been for mary and joseph when the shepherds arrived. it's always a little uncomfortable when people come by uninvited. but maybe they were like, "Angels appeared to you? Come on in! Join the club!" i can't say that i would want some strange men to come and hang out in the delivery room after i've had my first baby.

why would the heavenly host that appeared to the shepherds have to appear to anybody? what is the significance of the shepherds? does their significance lie in the fact that they were really not all that significant? were they surprised to see what the angels had proclaimed was really happening? did they believe that this baby was the son of God? did it impact them later in life? did they ever hear about Jesus after that night in bethlehem? were they at the crucifixion?

you never hear anything else about the shepherds, and it just fits right in with the way Jesus was born, lived, and died.

maybe humility is the key ingredient i need to be able to once again understand the wonder of Christmas.

2005-12-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

last night our teens did a Christmas party for the Red Shield Lodge on Luckie Street (i.e. the homeless shelter). Although planning anything performance-related with teens can be a bit stressful, they did a wonderful job, and had everyone laughing.

i was so surprised to see so many children at the shelter. they asked all the children to come sit on the floor in front so that there would more chairs for the adults, and there had to be somewhere between 30 and 40 kids. it breaks your heart.

the faces of the people there looked so worn, so tired. we all sang some carols before Santa came with elves (i thought that was a nice touch).

it was so cold last night, there was an ice storm. i woke this morning to a loud crash, one of the branches on our pecan tree out front had landed on the abandoned house next door. our house was okay, fortunately, but jason may add a chainsaw to his christmas list.

i couldn't help but think of the people at the shelter last night, with the rain and sleet and ice. were they able to stay the night, were they only guaranteed a meal before the doors were shut? i hugged one man who thanked us as we were leaving, is that the only hug he'll received this christmas season? there was something in his eyes that i couldn't quite place.

as i cautiously drove to work this morning, i looked at all the trees coated in ice, with a thousand thoughts swirling around in my head...

And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you? Cause you're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything, everything...

2005-12-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

i came home last night after dark b/c of our tuesday engagement. i got the mail and played with jake a little bit before i took him out. while i was outside in our front yard, i noticed some furniture in the yard next door, phil's house.

i didn't stare, i just took jake back inside, fed him and walked upstairs to our room. i looked out my bedroom window for an aerial view of next door. i found that there was, indeed, quite a lot of furniture in the front yard next door, as well as personal items. jason came home and told me that it looks like there's a lot of junk in the backyard of our neighbor's house as well. so it seems as though phil has been evicted.

it saddens me.

the past few weeks, phil has been really laying low, probably to his benefit. but he looks really tired lately. is it withdrawal? is our response to this to have no response? there are so many questions that arise in a relationship that was nothing more than an acquaintance, but contained the possibility of being so much more.

in the advent meeting this morning, feener talked about Jesus entering into our hearts. it got me thinking... why is it the heart that is the entry point? maybe b/c out of our heart flows everything else. Jesus first enters the heart, then our minds, then our souls. he quite literally inhabits the places that inhabit us.

i don't know the condition of phil's heart. i know that there was some semblance of the love of Christ through the various conversations we had. this inner city thing has produced many challenges and fears. unexpected feelings have risen to the surface while others, things i would have expected, seem to remain deep within the recesses.

so maybe we need to pray that this Christmas season we will gain experiences that continue to challenge, and relationships that take us to our heart.

Christ is coming.

Peace up, A-Town Down

2005-12-13T10:07:00.000-05:00

twice this past weekend, i drove from north atlanta back home into the city. both times it was at night.

i love atlanta at night. there's this bend on 85 south right after peachtree street. you round the bend and there is all of downtown illuminated before you. i have such love for this city.

there are landmarks that dot the landscape that have made up such a part of who i am today. i feel as if atlanta, through its buildings, has chronicled my so much of my life.

there's our church, and my office building, both of which i pass thinking about where i've come, and where i am going. there's the varsity, which my dad always made a point of stopping at so we could all get an FO all those summers we came through. there's Georgia State where i pounded the streets hating the lack of greenspace for a downtown campus. there's the restaurant where i met so many interesting individuals, all of which opened my eyes to a greater world, one i had been too innocent to experience before. symphony hall, where commissioning is held every year, always makes me nostalgic of a time when i came to atlanta unaware of what the future would bring; skipping out on the meetings to have dinner with my friends or peruse the shops in colony square. the so so def records billboard, the training college, grady hospital...

our first apartment, our first house, our neighbors...

i remember a bartender i worked with talking about how she was so ready to get out of this town. it struck me that she was so unhappy here, and maybe it has stayed with me b/c i couldn't understand the pull to leave.

i know a time will come in the future when it will be time to pack everything up and change cities. i even look forward to that time. but i feel as though atlanta will always, in some respect, be home.

"i have run, i have crawled, i have scaled these city walls.."

2005-12-09T10:18:00.000-05:00

“We have to recognise that most of what we say today does not cut through to real life and we must find ways to do that. Generally speaking, we have to address the real needs of people – to understand those needs and to devise ways to help people understand that you are talking to them about their needs.” --Dallas Willard

Liquid Church

2005-12-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

i read a write-up of a book recently. The book was titled Liquid Church. one of the points the author makes is that "church" should really be more of a verb than a noun. for example; i church, you church, we church.

and this just hit right on the head of everything i have wanted to say when i get the invariable stare and blank expression of those who don't understand why we don't invite everyone in our neighborhood to church.

i think i swing back and forth with my commitment to this salvation army at times. being the "burr under the saddle" as i have heard it called, is a lot of work. there's a lot of discomfort and burden i think we carry in this quest to be agents of change.

i found out this week that one of the big supporters in my life has all sorts of questions and misgivings about the work we are doing. and instead of asking and really getting to know about our ministry, in an effort to define our work to the naysayers, he has become a part of the negative force.

another blow that satan can surely use to give rise to my doubts about discontinuing the ministry. another crumble in the wall that i have built around the desire to be complacent.

i wish the church really was liquid. maybe that's on the horizon. for now i'll just have to fight off these pirates on the surface.

2005-12-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

just got off the phone with jason and he told me how he had ruined the performance of the hand bell choir. 'a hand bell choir,' you say. that's right.

jason's department performed with hand bells during his office Christmas party. it's amazing what a free lunch will buy you. in this case, five employees playing christmas carols on hand bells.

he said that he couldn't hear the beat, which means that no one could follow him. and it's not like it's a symphony (or rocket science to be perfectly honest) but individuals playing handbells one at a time.

they had to start and stop twice.

i tried to talk him out of wearing a christmas tie today. it made him a little too cocky it seems...

happy holidays to all!

2005-12-02T10:16:00.000-05:00

Role

2005-12-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

reading the sacred romance in preparation for small group tonight, and i came across this, which i had to post, b/c we all know people like this.. maybe we are people like this:

Desperate for something larger to give our lives trascendence, we try to lose ourselves in the smallest of stories. some of us choose the "Why does everything go wrong for me?" story. the plot of life is a tragedy, and we are playing the role of the victim of cruel circumstances. our arrows are our identity. this is an immensely popular story line b/c it relieves us of having to take any real responsibility for our lives. victims demand to be understood, but don't you dare require anything of them.

and then there is the survivor, living in a life where the plot is a siege. the world is a dangerous and unpredictable place, so i will hunker down and survive, taking little risk, doing what i can to protect myself off from others and from my own dreams...

Christians can opt for one of these, or choose a more "spiritual" version. the Religious Man or Woman is a popular story option in which we reduce the wildness of life by constructing a system of promises and rewards, a contract that will obligate God to grant us exemption from pain...

our loss of confidence in a larger story is the reason we demand immediate gratification. we need a sense of being alive now, for now is all we have. without a past that was planned for us and a future that waits for us, we are trapped in the present. there's not enough room for our souls in the present.

even though i read and reread this book, i can still categorize myself in one of those categories most of the time. the hope lies in the fact that i was never created to be reduced to the page in the small story that I create. but to live in a story that is so grand and big that my part, while may not be the lead, is still significant and necessary. justin once told me that he preferred the supporting actors, b/c they were always more interesting anyway.

i think i agree.

2005-12-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

December 1st... World AIDS Day. If you would like to light a candle to honor those struggling with the virus, you can do so here.

Banish the Cliche'

2005-11-30T11:01:00.000-05:00

For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. -Romans 12:3

Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk And so I direct in all the churches.
-1 Corinthians 7:17

But we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us as a measure, to reach even as far as you. -2 Corinthians 10:13

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so i've decided to banish the cliche'

today's cliche is: God never gives you more than you can handle.

sure that provides comfort for some and encouragement no doubt, but does it say that anywhere in scripture? people have been telling me that lie for years. some not even Christians!

i think the cliche came from the verses listed above. the fact that God apportions faith to each of us. it is an interesting concept. one that i tend to explore in my daily dealings with the Father.

one can assume that if God has apportioned faith, then that faith will be in measure to the amount of trial you have to go through in your lifetime. but none of those verses say that faith will be doled out in equal measure to pain. Rather, in Ephesians, it says:

But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift. --Ephesians 4:7

so it's through exercising the faith we have been given that we can overcome the trials we encounter. because if it's given according to the measure of Christ's gift, then it's given generously.

how much faith have i been apportioned? do i exercise that faith through more than just belief?

Father, help me to have the courage to extend my faith beyond my own ability. to accept trials and change with peace. to never live by the cliche, but in the knowledge that you are enabling me with the faith to meet whatever comes across my path on this journey toward knowing and loving you.

Past the Past

2005-11-23T10:33:00.001-05:00

i have been working through a theme recently. and the theme is this: the past.

my small group is reading the Sacred Romance now. and if you haven't read The Sacred Romance ( i try to read it once every year), it's a book about rediscovering what you were made for by looking at the events of your past. it's also about how we have formed our view of God based on our hurts of the past. and it ends by talking about learning to let go and live in freedom b/c of what God has in store for us.

i read the book before this theme about "God pursuing us" came to light within the Christian world. and it has truly affected the way i view my place in this world in relation to God and others and myself.

but then i went and got the new sara groves cd and went straight to this track b/c the title caught me: Rewrite This Tragedy. so she sings in her way, that is so honest and real, two questions:

Sometimes it's hard to tell what to keep and what to kill, what of this makes us who we are?

All that we love the most, all that we cannot let go, how much change can we survive?

and i really started pondering those questions. and then i was found reading the scripture Philippians 3:13-14:

13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

and how while paul was writing this, he must have been going over the events of his past. and i know all of the scripture that talks about how God is doing a "new thing" and how are identity is found only in Him, but i really want to know how much of our past defines us?

i completely trust that God will be faithful if i let go of all that has happened to me, and i feel as though i have already done that. and i have come through all of the grief, i have been redeemed, i have overcome. but i have always held onto the thoughts that Brock will always be with me, and those memories are mine and i will 'always have that.' and that he will bleed into every relationship i form. you know, just a few of the cliches that i held onto with such fierce determination.

but to 'forget the past' and 'strain toward what is ahead...' what does that even mean? i just want more tangible advice on this identity in Christ thing.

maybe what once was our testimony needs to constantly evolve and change as we experience new freedom.

maybe he really is doing a new thing. maybe he's giving us the strength to let go of what was so that we have the strength to take hold of what could be.

Grace my Feet and Faith my Eyes

2005-11-22T13:56:00.000-05:00

26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.'
--Acts 17:26-28

so i came across this scripture, and it's something i have never heard before. at least not implicitly. it made me think about where we all live, and how God ordained those places for us to live and walk at the exact time in which we inhabit them. that we really are the lights guiding people to his truth and love. and not only guiding, but finding Him.

there are no coincidences.

our decisions have consequences. our next door neighbor moved in b/c God had already determined that it was the time for him to live in a house next door to a couple who God placed there to display his truth and love amidst a dark neighborhood.

He had us move into that house b/c he knew in just a few months time that phil would move in next door.

so my question is this: am i brave enough to walk as though there are no coincidences? can the faith and love i know to be true speak for itself by the way i live my life?

i read a book recently about how a relationship with Christ releases us from the need to explain ourselves. because we are constantly explaining ourselves, defending our actions or inaction.

living as though my steps are preordered carries with it a greater responsibility. but maybe i should have accepted that responsibility a long time ago. maybe i am robbing the people in my neighborhood of a life of truth by not walking in faith.

"For 'In him we live and move and have our being...' "

2 Drawers

2005-11-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

i have a ghost that lives inside my desk.

nay, surely not a ghost, you say. but it is true.

i have two drawers to the right of my chair. i am looking at them now, even as i type. and those drawers will gently slide open at random times throughout the day. it's really quite strange. one will slide open, i will close it, and then the other will slide open. i haven't figured out a way to keep them closed.

sometimes, in a moment of insanity (which i firmly believe we all have), i will try and reason with the ghost by opening and closing them both at the same time seven times. why seven? you say, b/c seven is a significant number. not only biblically, but within the spiritual world as a whole. though i don't quite know why, i know that you somehow feel that this is true.

i tried putting something heavy within the drawers in an effort to weigh them down, but to no avail. if anyone has any suggestions on how to exorcise this ghost out of my desk, and possibly out of the building, (i certainly don't want it invading my computer) feel free to comment.

i must go now, i have to open and close the drawers seven times.

2005-11-18T13:47:00.000-05:00

okay, so this date is important for three reasons.

first--november 18th is the date of the much anticipated, long awaited, U2 concert tonight in phillips arena.. sold out in eight minutes. 20,000 seats. they decided to do a second show tomorrow night. sold out in six minutes. do i have tickets? NO. i just called phil again to ask him if he still plans on taking marty. so far, the answer is "Yes."

second--november 18th is the date that Harry Potter Goblet of Fire comes out in theaters. i know to people who do not read the series, this seems like such an adolescent excitement. however, if you have read the books, you will know that JK Rowling is a gifted writer and her books display intelligent character development and quite complex plotlines. my sister and i (and yes, i am outing her here on the world wide web) have read and reread all of the books, entered into online discussions at Harry Potter for adults, and created our own theories on the outcomes in the final book which, alas, will not be released until 2007. it's a small obesession. i heard someone describe the harry potter books as this, and i love this: like Lord of the Rings, only interesting.

b/c of a previous engagement tonight and a desire to view the film in a theater without children, we will be going to see the movie on Monday night.

three--b/c i realized quite a while back that it would be futile to try to again harrass phil about taking me to U2, i went ahead and purchased tickets to see sara groves and don miller up in chattanooga for this evening. it's an hour and a half drive, but not too long to see a wonderful singer/songwriter and hear don miller. i am in hopes that he does not repeat the talk i heard him give at catalyst, but have confidence in his creativity. lesley is coming with me and jason. jason is less excited about the mini-road trip. lesley and i have a fantasy about "accidentally" bumping into sara in the restroom or something before the show, where we just gush and she asks us to sing back-up harmonies. while unlikely, we can all dream, can't we? if this instance does occur in reality, rest assured that i will post a recollection of the entire "chance meeting" complete with pictures.

so those are a few reasons why i have looked forward to this day for some time.

BE FOREWARNED: if anyone decides to get cheeky and post comments about the differences between harry potter and lord of the rings, i will delete them. go ahead, try me.